Support group tonight.

Tonight we are going back to our eating disorder support group. I'm already getting anxious. It's where I meet Joel. We use to go all the time but life got busy and it was easier to stop going. We rarely had a babysitter and I never wanted to go by myself. So we just stopped going. But I'm struggling really bad and Joel is worried I'll end up in the hospital again so he said we are going back. Yesterday I barely ate anything. I never eat at work and at him I will eat as I'm cooking. Tasting things to make sure the are good. But we went to his grandma's house so I didn't eat anything there. He wasn't happy but he didn't get mad. He did remind me we are going to the meeting. I don't know why. It was stupid. I don't know why I do this, why I can't eat in front of other people, why I can't sit down for dinner. That's not true I do know why I just don't know why I can't move on front the past. I don't know how to forget. Talking about at a safe placed us to help hopefully it will again

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4meAndyou · F

I am fairly certain that your eating disorder is rooted in deep anxiety. I am glad you are going back to the meeting.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou yes that is true my mother use to hit me every time I would have a tic or outbursts at the dinner table. The only way I could eat was if I went a certain amount of time without one. But the more hungry and anxious I got the worse my tics got. She would hit me so hard each time I had on at the table. It's way I can't sit at the dinner table.

4meAndyou · F

@Cigarguy101 Deep conditioning, then, coupled with deep anxiety. It was sort of like brainwashing...and because the training began in childhood, it will be VERY difficult to overcome. You are going to need to be de-programmed to recover a degree of normalcy.

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou yes you are so right and it's hard to focus on this issue when I have so much else going on. Sometimes I feel like I need 5 different therapists . But Joel and I have decided that I need to focus on this more because it's effecting my health.

4meAndyou · F

@Cigarguy101 Check this out!

https://inlpcenter.org/freedom-from-the-past-7-steps-to-heal-your-hidden-childhood-programming/

Cigarguy101 · 41-45, M

@4meAndyou thank you for sharing this with me. I will definitely check it out