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I think I need to end things with this guy

He is so sweet but I am feeling suffocated and it's affecting my work.

He's telling his friends and parents about me and we've only been on like five dates. He shows up at market. He wants to come over all the time.

I have kinda indicated these things to him but it's too easy for me to want to be around him.

I feel pressured and I don't wanna screw up my new job or neglect it, or my animal or plant friends.

It really sucks but he is TOO intense.
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Notsimilarreally · 31-35, F
Maybe he's just excited, and in time he would mellow out? Clingy because he's afraid of losing the relationship? I've been there before though, and I dumped him so I don't really blame you although looking back I kind of think it could have been a good thing because he was a great guy and what's wrong with being loved too hard lmao 😂 but yeah, I get ya. I want for you to have a good and consistent guy though too so this also makes me sad. I just want you to be happy no matter what, do what you have to!!!
caccoon · 36-40
@Notsimilarreally you bring up a good point, part of me worries it's fake or he's tricking me into thinking he likes me. I am not good at believing it still 😣
Notsimilarreally · 31-35, F
@caccoon I know. We definitely have some of the same relationship insecurities from past traumas (thanks moms and dads).

There are people that are too clingy for anyone, it's true. But maybe it's just uncomfortable right now because of trust issues, insecurity, etc. It's possible to tell him to move slower, and assure him that you want to continue to getting to know him and forming a stronger trust and familiarity before getting serious and that that could take a long time for you. If he can't respect that well then that's a complication itself because respect and boundaries are super important.

Just something to think about.

It's actually a miracle that I'm still with my boyfriend! I did try and break up with him three months after getting together and I was really sad about it, ended up not happening lol then found out we were pregnant. Having a child together (and being in another country illegally practically lmao) made a big difference but I've still tried to break up since then more times but it just never happens 🤣 and I'm glad. I'm actually more in love with him now than ever before, we have been through a lot and he's put up with all my stuff and he's still here. It's kind of amazing.

Now I've strayed off topic haha. 😆

I guess it's just that eventually if you want a relationship to last, you're going to have to be uncomfortable and want to run away and be alone because that's what you're comfortable with. We have been hurt so badly before by people we trusted and that were supposed to protect us that it's hard to ever love and feel safe loving with someone like that again.

But again, he has to respect your boundaries and be on the same page because it's new. He doesn't know know all this about you so he doesn't know what you need. Inform him. ❤
caccoon · 36-40
@Notsimilarreally thank you for this, I really appreciate it!! It helps 💙💙💙

And I am happy you're feeling good about your relationship! I know it is so hard. I am also the type that breaks up many times because I'm.scared of pain/abandonment
SwampFlower · 31-35, F
Booo I hit the wrong react.

If you’ve communicated you don’t like it and he’s still bringing this intensity that’s a red flag to me
@caccoon Well, people are different, but love is generally quite addictive.
caccoon · 36-40
@EarthlingWise my statement still stands

I am not in love after five dates
@caccoon Yep, this sounds true, and it's nothing wrong, of course.
Do what makes you feel the most comfortable. In the end, you're the one living your life and only you know your wants and needs.
I have kinda indicated these things

The word "kinda" gives me pause. Does this mean you actually had an explicit, direct, unambiguous conversation, so there's no way the guy cannot fully acknowledge your thoughts on the matter. Or did you fall back on that timeless and widespread but totally unhelpful legacy practice of just vaguely dropping "hints"? If it's just hints, he won't ever change if he doesn't really fully understand that it's too much and too soon, whether that is with you or with someone else.
caccoon · 36-40
@ThirstenHowl I have told him that things are going too fast for me, and told him I would like to go slow

I told him that I would like to see him once or twice a week, which I can see he wants to push

I will have a more explicit conversation with him at 6pm today in person
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caccoon · 36-40
@ostfuidctyvm he's sweet so I don't wanna be mean but yeah 😩
DearAmbellina2113 · 41-45, F
Tell him now, before attachment gets worse.
caccoon · 36-40
@DearAmbellina2113 I did! He wants to talk in person which I don't want to do but I also understand it might give more closure

He wants to negotiate 😟 I'm worried I'll cave
ineedadrink · 51-55, M
So he's picked out the wedding china already, eh?

 
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