Insane Roommate #1: do you have another toilet plunger? IR2: another one? No, just the one behind the toilet. IR1: okay, that one has a spider in itIR2: that’s The only one I have. Did the toilet overflow? IR1: no! (angry now) okay, I need a toilet plunger that doesn't have this weird hole in it where spiders can live IR2: i don’t know what to tell you. IR1: oh, never mind, he came out on his... See More »
I think an 11 year old nonverbal austitic boy just asserted his dominance over meMy roommates son came into the kitchen while I was cooking and picks up my can of Coca-Cola. I’m like, “Joey, that’s not your soda.” Dude looks at me, takes a sip, and then walks out of the room with it.
You: it’s a hard pill to swallow, but you should really stop doing drugs. Me: can ‘t I just take it IV?
After months of changing colors and painting the same lines over and over on meth I bring to you Alien’s dipycht painted with nailpolish on mylar bags
For a creature that doesn’t want to get eaten, these gnats spend an awful lot of time landing on my sandwich
