When you make cats talk in your head do they all either have French accents or sound like Rodney Dangerfield?
My favorite way to consume alcohol is by inhaling the vapor produced from wine boiling off a hot pot of vegetables, herbs, and spices on a rainy day
If you are ever dating someone who hates everything good, STOP! It's a red flag. Good things are good to like and bad to hate.
Just minding your own business singing some George Michael to yourself and someone tells you how much they miss Limp Bizkit (1)
Sometimes getting groans feels really good, like when George Michael died at the end of December and I told everyone it was his last Christmas
Question for delivery drivers: How do you put a cold bottle of soda into a thermal bag with a hot pizza without your brain going "WRONG!?"
Magical foods that never disappoint: popcorn, Coca-Cola, peanut butter and crackers, grilled cheese, pizza...(more to come as I think of them)
Were you born before y2k or are you a hologram implanted in my brain by the super computer know as "The Beast?"
She's an alien, a sweet alien, she's my alien, oh my Lord! Oh my Lord, God, a real alien, her name is Alien, oh my LordShe came to this place with a reptillian race, she came to this place from outer space. Oh my Lord, God, she is an alien, her name is Alien, oh my Lord.
