Please provide your favorite joke.

Do racist jokes count?

A blonde was going on a plane trip to New York.
When the attendant came by and asked for her ticket, she told the blonde,"I'm sorry.
Your ticket isn't for first class. Could you please move to your seat."
The blonde replied,"Im blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
The attendant said,"That's fine miss, but you'll have to go to your seat."
The blonde responded again, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, and I'm going to New York."
This conversation continued, always with the blonde's same response.
The attendant got so upset that she went to the captain and told him about the blonde.
The captain went and whispered something in the blonde's ear and the blonde immeadiately got up and went to her seat in coach.
The attendant asked the captain how he got the stubborn blonde to move.
He said, "I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to New York."

There's of course also this one, again a longer one and maybe more like a story...

[quote]There was a blonde who was sitting next to a lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer was naturally bored, so he kept bugging the blonde to play a game of intelligence with him.

The blonde was reluctant, so the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds. He told her that every time she could not answer his question, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50. The lawyer figured the blonde was so dumb, he could not lose, and the blonde thought for a few minutes and reluctantly accepted to play his game.

The lawyer fires his first question "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"

Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. The blonde then asked the lawyer "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"

The lawyer's face looked extremely puzzled. He spent several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to figure out the answer. Finally, the angry and frustrated lawyer handed the blonde $50.00.

The blonde put the $50 into her purse quickly without saying a word. The lawyer was outraged at this point and asked, "Well, what is answer?"

The blonde glanced at him with a smirk on her face and handed him a $5 bill.[/quote]

It's maybe more a story than a real joke... Anyway, he it goes...

[quote]A man is driving down a mountainous road in his sports car. It is a beautiful day. He has his convertible top down, and he's driving along enjoying the majesty of the environment. He sees another car approaching, and as it gets closer, he notices that a woman is driving and she has her head out of the window. As the two cars come closer, he slows down and hears the woman yell "PIG!" The man quickly reacts by yelling back, "COW!" The lady's car moves up the winding road and the man continues on his way. As he picks up speed and goes around the next turn in the road, he runs right into a large pig.[/quote]

What happened to the butcher who backed into his meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work.

my jokes offend too many people. what's off limits?

Once we were smoking hukka at our terrace me and my guy friends so 2 of my friends went outside to bring coal from a restaurant nearby .. so we were speaking about the most ghostly places in India .. so after sometime one of my friend he saw in the window of an opposite building a ghost face n he showed me so than came 1 of my friend we told him about that ghost or something than I said them that one more friend will arrive just tell him to see in the opposite building windows please don’t tell him ghost is there .. so he came n we said her see in that building something is there he asked what and he is smiling .. he was seeing in other window .. than he was smiling face and asked me is there some kissing is going on ? Than all of s sudden he saw that window n he said mummy n he made such a terrible face n we all ran away .. he went n said his parents n her dad he opened the window at night around 2-3 am n seeing there n telling that ghost come n take him away shouting loudly lol .. than whole night he n his brother didn’t sleep lol

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What's the definition of trust?
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Two cannibals giving each other blow jobs❤


Hands down my favorite joke of all time.

You could always try this ...

http://www.smart-jokes.org/it-computer-help-desk.html

Out of 10 people: 1 understands hexadecimal and the rest can F off.

Once we were playing football at night on our terrace .. n I kicked the ball in such a way that a small guy friend he fall down on his back lol .. he said the opposite team to hold his hand n make him stand up .. than he stood up and his ass was outside like a duck lol .. he is saying the opposite team
Player bro please kick ur leg on my back ...than he kicked n he said ahhhh! Now I’m
Feeling it lol my ass got hurt very badly

I really wanted a camoflauge shirt...
But I couldn't find one

Do escalators break or just become stairs?

Two old guys were discussing viagra and one said it was the greatest thing, it helped with blood pressure and energy level made him feel 30 years younger. The other man said "can you get it over the counter"? The first man said "that take 4 pills "

What we used to do is we used to call toll free no of homeshop 18 and one of my guy friend he is very very funny he mimics everybody so we called n he became a baby .. n in babies voice he is talking n saying uncle uncle my mother wants to buy 3 bra that Katrina kaif wears she wants to look sexy ... so again he siad the same than all of a sudden one of my female friend came n we said her u have to become a mother she said ok .. she is saying that . bro why don’t u understand ? My child he is telling you that he wants bra n panty for me I want to look sexy why don’t you send that to us ? I want green blue red orange all bra and panty I should look sexy ..

N she talked some sexy things n cut the call lol

A man calls his GP. He is frantic.
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" the doctor asks.
"No you idiot, it's her husband!"

Next time you go on a roller coaster, bring a couple of bolts with you. Then tell your neighbor "Hey, I think these came out of your seat!"

What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead liberal in the road?









The dead dog has skid marks leading up to it... 😂

(sticks tongue out very slowly...) My impression of a lesbian getting a hard on!

My friend they used to call toll free no n sing songs lol n than say if u wanna keep this as ur caller tune than press 1 than they sing other song lol than say press 2 tha again they sing n say if u wanna keep this hellotune press 3 lol

The federal government.