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I Give Up

I just can't win. If I show how depressed/ anxious Im really feeling I get yelled at for not wanting to get help (I do. I'm even in coucilling despite the fact that doctors/ psyciatrists/ etc have always scared the hell out of me) but if I show any sign of happiness- maybe Im having an ok day or able to put on a brave face especially for my kid- I get yelled at for faking my depression/anxiety for attention. Well excuse me for having a deep craving for death because Im broken but dont want to sit there taking self destructive action in front of my 11 year old. When will my fantasy of a zombie apocalypse begin?

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Skelepop666 · 36-40, F

Yeah but the guy who yelled at me has seen me be self destructive, knows Im in councilling and knows I have tried to commit suicide 3 times in the last 2 months (he has been there during one attempt and countless numbers of panic attacks). Its obvious. Even my kid knows something is wrong although Im trying to keep her knowing what it is for her sake.
But I thank you for your kind offer.

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Samael

The definition of depression for a lot of people implies that you can never really be happy, meaning that if you smile you're not suffering, just having a series of bad days.
I feel really sorry that you have to go those accusations but the crux of the matter is that depression is largely misinterpreted.
I can't claim to know how to help; nor am I qualified; nor am I studying anything related to this. But, I am a person who wants you to know you have my emotional support, and if you want to just vent out on me or ask me anything I will respond to you :)

Skelepop666 · 36-40, F

Well I use this place to rant/vent/ express my thoughts but I try not to burden people directly with it. Obviously if theyre friends I will try and ask about their wellbeing but I only open up if they ask me a question (and Im not going to sit there and lie. Lying is pointless and only makes things worse for everyone involved).

Samael

Hmm, sounds like he just couldn't handle it anymore. Or something like that.

You're very welcome. I know my username is reference to a Fallen Angel but, I'm not that evil. :D I hope you'll find what you need to keep going, for your child's sake if anything. :)

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