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I Give Up

I just can't win. If I show how depressed/ anxious Im really feeling I get yelled at for not wanting to get help (I do. I'm even in coucilling despite the fact that doctors/ psyciatrists/ etc have always scared the hell out of me) but if I show any sign of happiness- maybe Im having an ok day or able to put on a brave face especially for my kid- I get yelled at for faking my depression/anxiety for attention. Well excuse me for having a deep craving for death because Im broken but dont want to sit there taking self destructive action in front of my 11 year old. When will my fantasy of a zombie apocalypse begin?

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Skelepop666 · 36-40, F

Yeah but the guy who yelled at me has seen me be self destructive, knows Im in councilling and knows I have tried to commit suicide 3 times in the last 2 months (he has been there during one attempt and countless numbers of panic attacks). Its obvious. Even my kid knows something is wrong although Im trying to keep her knowing what it is for her sake.
But I thank you for your kind offer.