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I Give Up

I just can't win. If I show how depressed/ anxious Im really feeling I get yelled at for not wanting to get help (I do. I'm even in coucilling despite the fact that doctors/ psyciatrists/ etc have always scared the hell out of me) but if I show any sign of happiness- maybe Im having an ok day or able to put on a brave face especially for my kid- I get yelled at for faking my depression/anxiety for attention. Well excuse me for having a deep craving for death because Im broken but dont want to sit there taking self destructive action in front of my 11 year old. When will my fantasy of a zombie apocalypse begin?

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Samael

The definition of depression for a lot of people implies that you can never really be happy, meaning that if you smile you're not suffering, just having a series of bad days.
I feel really sorry that you have to go those accusations but the crux of the matter is that depression is largely misinterpreted.
I can't claim to know how to help; nor am I qualified; nor am I studying anything related to this. But, I am a person who wants you to know you have my emotional support, and if you want to just vent out on me or ask me anything I will respond to you :)