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My boyfriend doesn't feel the same about me, how do I know when it's time to break up?

My boyfriend has been with me for 3 months, and things have been wonderful. it's the healthiest relationship of my life, and i really want, and see, a future for us. I'm willing to do anything for him, and I love him- and he's told me he loves me too. But, he's also had a couple times where he's been cold and distant because he isn't sure what he wants. Now he says he's happy with me but sometimes he just wants to be alone. It's becoming clear that he doesn't feel the same about me. I thought he was the one. What should I do?

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SW-User

Kinda quick to think he is the one after 3 months 😬

JupiterDreams · 31-35

@SW-User Kids these days.

BalmyNites · F

It sounds like he's feeling suffocated, 3 months is very soon to be declaring undying love & saying you're "willing to do anything for him". I would say he certainly likes you & is fond of you, but if you don't give him some space you'll lose him.

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wolfess · 26-30, F

@indyjoe Again, I've given him space. I've made the mistake of being too clingy in the past. I've mirrored his affection levels so that he was comfortable.

indyjoe · 56-60, M

@wolfess I hate to be the bearer of bad news but after reading all your responses to others as well as your original post....Your relationship is in serious trouble, and it is barely out of the start gate. I'm not saying that it is doomed, but you two are in need of some serious communication and work if it is to survive (let alone thrive). All I can do is wish you luck...

BalmyNites · F

@wolfess Ahh, so out of the 3 months you've been 'together', it's only in the past month that he's stopped talking to his ex, but things are going wrong between you already. I have to say, it doesn't sound good hun, not good at all & I think you accommodate his feelings too much, instead of your own. Protect your heart & step back, give him chance to realise he wants you/misses you. Otherwise I feel it won't be long before he's gone.

Haniazed

If I was your boyfriend and you told me I was the one you see in your future after 3 months of being together, you’d scare me off...😅

xRedx · M

@Haniazed I would run for the hills 😅

wolfess · 26-30, F

@Haniazed I haven't told him yet. every move forward has been up to him.

Haniazed

@wolfess I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask what is keeping him from committing fully. Once you have his honest answer, you’d know exactly what to do...😊

xRedx · M

Three months is a little too quick. In any case, give him and yourself a bit of more time

indyjoe · 56-60, M

Look at your own words..."it's the healthiest relationship of my life" and "it's becoming clear that he doesn't feel the same about me"...think about it, what about it really (and honestly) made or makes it so "wonderful"? I think you'll find your answer within your own words.

Mugin16 · 46-50, M

Sometimes men want to be alone, on their own. That does not mean he wants to break up with you.

wolfess · 26-30, F

@Mugin16 I don't know if I understand what you mean by that

LucyFuhr · 56-60, F

People "love" in different ways but regardless of the type of relationship it is, when the "cost" outweighs the "benefits" (regularly), it's time to consider other options.

Ask yourself how long you can (realistically) live with things the way they are.

🤗

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LucyFuhr · 56-60, F

@wolfess I totally understand.

You didn't ask for advice but I'm going to give you some anyway LOL Talk to him about how you're feeling and be honest, even if it's painful. Give him the option of realizing what he's got and then do what YOU need to do.
(If you haven't already.)

Keeping my 🤞 for you.

wolfess · 26-30, F

@LucyFuhr No, I appreciate the advice. I at least know what I have to say, lol.

LucyFuhr · 56-60, F

@wolfess In that case, glad I could help 😉 LOL

MorbidCynic · F

You can still be in love with someone and require alone time. I’m that way. As much as I love something, I need to be alone at times to gather myself and “recharge” my social batteries.

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wolfess · 26-30, F

@MorbidCynic I'm introverted myself but this isn't about alone time, this is about the relationship itself

MorbidCynic · F

If he’s abusive then leave him. If it’s because he needs too much space, then obviously there is a personality clash and you should just break it off with him because that’s where it’s headed. I’m exactly like that, I will go for days or weeks without wanting social contact 🤷‍♀️ Our type doesn’t change. @wolfess

wolfess · 26-30, F

He's not abusive...

Fungirlmmm · 51-55, F

Have a Frank conversation with him. You need to be prepared for what you will hear though. Whether it is good or bad at least if you put it out there in a straightforward way then you will know where you stand and maybe not waste more of your precious life.

MissMollyCharlotte0702

Give him space. 3 months is still in the beginning and he may feel stifled. Go out with friends, spend time with family, focus on your hobbies and work. If it’s meant to be it will work out, but you need to slow down and not mention that he is the one until much later.

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MissMollyCharlotte0702

If he’s unsure...then tell him to call you when he’s sure. He’s wasting your time being wishy washy. At 3 months you both should be enjoying each other’s company. When you are together what do you do?@wolfess

wolfess · 26-30, F

@MissMollyCharlotte0702 We switch it up between hanging out at his place, watching "our shows", and going out on dates. Our time together is really enjoyable, and we don't fight often. But then there's these phases of "I'm not sure what I want." "I'm not sure what's wrong," and frankly as much as I love him, it's exhausting to be worried about a break up all the time. I want security- I don't need committment or a certain future yet, but I want him to be all in, and sure about ME.

MissMollyCharlotte0702

Time to sit him down and tell him figure out what he wants.you know what you want and are tired of him giving you the run around.Tell him to call you when he’s ready, but he better not take too much time as you won’t wait around forever. @wolfess

SW-User

If you want something badly you have got to make it work unless it’s unhealthy , abuisive or toxic or he’s cheating or doesn’t respect you. There’s nothing wrong with him wanting his own space , we all need our own space from time to time just to make things stay healthy and so we have something new to talk about when we see each other again. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you , it doesn’t mean he’s going off you , it just means he wants time to enjoy things he likes doing too.

wolfess · 26-30, F

@SW-User It's not the space thing... it's that he completely withdraws for almost a week every few weeks. Makes it seem like we're going to break up. Says he's not sure about things, and what he wants. We don't live together and we have a lot of alone time.

SW-User

You just wasted 5 minutes that you could have used kicking his ass to the curb. Get to it honey. Time is money.

Lackwittyname · 51-55, M

Could just be that he needs some good alone time and it is not about you.

Olivine · 31-35

I love my boyfriend more than anything. I tell my cat every day how much I want to marry him. And even I do the same thing as your boyfriend sometimes. Sometimes I just need some space to myself. It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. Just give him some space and let him be himself. Don't read too much into things.

wolfess · 26-30, F

@Olivine It's not the space. It's that things are so good for weeks, and then (3 times now) he'll have a week where he's super distant, says he isn't sure what he wants, and acts like he wants to break up. We live apart and lead different, healthy, seperate lives. So I don't get it.

Olivine · 31-35

@wolfess Ah, that changes things a little bit. Probably best to just talk it out with him some time when things are good.

anythingoes477 · M

You already know what to do......but you lack the courage to do it.

SW-User

Well it's not the end of the world

SW-User

It's only been 3 months. You shouldn't view it as a refection on you. It can just take time for people to decide what they want, especially in their 20s. If it's been a year and he is still unsure then it's probably time to move on.

Friendlyman64 · 56-60, M

I think you should give both of you some time to know exactly what you want for your relationship it’s too early to just finalize everything

SW-User

sounds like you know now

SheCallsMeCrushDaddy · M

give him some space

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