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Am I wrong ?

My girlfriend and I are thinking of building a new house....

Am I wrong for suggesting to get an agreement made to protect ourselves as individuals in the unlikely unfortunate event that we go our separate ways in the future??? I brought it up today and it really hurt her feelings, which is NOT what I intended to do.....I feel awful....I got the "we need to talk" message 馃槙

Her professional job, she has a pension...

Me, I'm a grainfarmer and have assets worth 7 figures

Both of us acquired what we have before we met each other....

Opinions please
SW-User
I understand why she鈥檚 hurt, because to her, you鈥檙e forseeing a potential end. BUT I sadly think what you鈥檙e suggesting is logical. You need to protect yourself and your assets. Particularly as endings can often get messy, if they come.
@SW-User this 鈽濓笍
Mamapolo2016F
Point out it's intended to protect her as well as you and that you hope it will never be used. If you agree NOW on what happens in the case of a breakup, you won't have to figure it out in a storm of hurt feelings and anger.
SW-User
No, you should try putting it to her this way, "It's one way you can protect yourself in the event I become a total asshole"
YnotisayM
Of COURSE you have to protect yourself. So does she. That's business. It has nothing to do with emotions. Just like marriage. The feelings may get you to the point of wanting to share life together but the court sees marriage as a business contract. Nothing more or less. And a WHOLE lot of people realize that too late.
Let her know that couples who enter in to prenups have longer lasting marriages. That's true. It's because the people involved are seeing the realities and not the dream. Same thing with this property. Work it out in advance. Sell the house...split it 50/50. One of you dies? You know where the property is going. It's just wise and alleviates a potential problem so you can enjoy the home together without some weird pressure attached to it.
Mongoheadmonster41-45, M
@Ynotisay..... Yes....but women are emotional creatures....difficult to get my point across no matter how nicely I try to explain it
YnotisayM
@Mongoheadmonster I understand. I think the trick might be to calmly let her know that why it's the best for both of you. You're making a 'team' decision. That's how partners operate. As a team. Good luck.
SW-User
[c=#4C0073]she is not being practical ..
The agreement needs to be made.[/c]
Heartlander80-89, M
There are different reasons for why you would go your separate ways besides just breaking up. One being that one or the other would die. And that may be complicated for the surviving one of you. Mix in the consideration that some judge may consider you common law married, regardless of how you define your relationship, and it probably gets pretty complicated, legal wise.

Laws differ from state to state. And even if you research your own state laws we don't always get to pick where we die.

So .... think of it as looking after her best interest in the event that you die.
@Heartlander Now he just has to CONVINCE her of this. I think he likely presented it in the wrong way. I know a man who did this too with his wife. Was a disaster. Now his wife is very upset and untrusting and disappointed too.
Mongoheadmonster41-45, M
@VeronicaJane I don't want to hurt her....I love her, and I can see spending the rest of my life with her.....BUT.....this isn't my first merry-go-round either as I was married once before....So was she.....it sucks to have to think "what if", but one has too. I have lots at stake if shit goes south, and so does she. I don't think I'm entitled to half of her pension if it goes bad...I didn't earn it, she did. And I don't think she has a say in the assets I've acquired (and my family before me that I'm now in charge of). In order for me to comfortly move forward, I need to have safety measures in place. That's what I think
jim4444470-79, M
Hell yeah you need an agreement. This is a business deal. What if one of you drops dead or gets sued? How will you use the tax benefits?
Get a lawyer involved, protect your ass(ets).
Mamapolo2016F
I think it is a very wise move. People who love each other when they start something don't always even like each other when it's finished.
From a business perspective - it makes sense.

From a interpersonal perspective - it sucks big time.

Blame it on Bezos.

Seriously, I know an unmarried couple that bought a house to live together. They broke up several months later.

From an emotional point of view, you are telling her it won't work, and are planning to fail.

Now that you can't unring that bell... what are you going to do now? 馃檮
InvaderNice26-30, M
That wasn鈥檛 wrong of you at all. She鈥檚 just being emotional.
I don't even want to know precisely how you worded it to upset her!!!

Go explain to her that an agreement is in both of your interests... and may ultimately never even be used - but there's no harm in being prepared for every possible situation that might happen.
Mongoheadmonster41-45, M
@HootyTheNightOwl that's kinda what I said.......

Her feelings are that I think it's forecasting an impending relationship demise by having an easy exit strategy
You have to do what is right for you. Perhaps if you had approached it differently. Emotionally this is hurtful. You do have a lot of money. For her it is about love not assets. What will you do now? What if this is a deal-breaker?
Prttylttlthng41-45, F
NO. You are being smart. Once you share property, if something happens it鈥檚 going to be as complicated as getting a divorce most likely. It鈥檚 easier to get the agreement up front so all are on the same page.
SW-User
Not wrong, but it is a touchy subject. I think it plants of seed of doubt, especially to the party member that never thought of separation being a potential outcome.
smileylovesgaming31-35, F
I say u are. You made it sound like your going to cheat on her. And you just want to protect what u have
TonydangM
Most people avoid it even though they feel the same way but it is the wise thing to do
SW-User
I think you are smart. You never know what will happen in the future
Poppies61-69, F
I think you are being perfectly sensible.
You neeed to protect yourself
LAlexVM
You're not wrong.
juiceyangel33331-35, F
Smart move

 
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