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Verbally and emotionally abusive PARENTS. Let’s talk about it?

[center][big][quote]Verbally Abusive Parents [/quote][/big][/center]

How has it affected you?

How does it affect children?

How does it affect adults?

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Carissimi · 70-79, F

I won’t talk about it, but it’s ruined my life. God knows what I could have accomplished if I hadn’t had to struggle every day of it to overcome the dysfunctional beliefs that were instilled in me.

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tj78610 · 51-55, M

@Mrowe718 Yes. Whether actual distance or just saying "I don't want to be around you much". The latter would be a difficult conversation.

Either way, she's ruined your childhood, don't let her ruin your adult years too. You have control now!

Carissimi · 70-79, F

I’m very sorry you had to endure this. I relate to it all, except I didn’t find out she was a narcissist until my late 50s. There was no internet back then. I thought it was my fault, that there was something wrong with me, that I couldn’t be loved. I spent my whole young life trying to be “good,” although I [i]was[/i] a good child already, but nothing I did would stop her abuse. She went further than abuse, she tries to destroy every relationship I have with other people. She will ruin your reputation if you don’t kowtow to her ideas. A very wicked woman, and my arch nemesis. Mrowe718.

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Dewkissedrose · 46-50, F

The abuse I went through was more subtle, but as I look back over the years... it was there.

It led to an emotionally abusive marriage, which I am still in. I didn't fully recognize what was happening because I was most likely conditioned from the time I was little to accept it - even in subtle ways.

The long term effects are depression, anxiety, and way too many emotional scars.

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@Dewkissedrose I’m going through the same thing (actually just got out of an emotionally and physically abusive relationship) and for the love of me, I don’t know why I didn’t leave the first time he choked me, or the first time he called me a sl*t, b*tch and a c*nt. I forgave him only to be let down again. A lot of The conditioning is definitely from childhood trauma, I agree. It’s disheartening to say the least, sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever have a healthy relationship with a man because subconsciously, I am so used to toxicity

TexChik · F

How about physically and verbally? I have PTSD from it.

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TexChik · F

@Carissimi Aww I’m so sorry

Carissimi · 70-79, F

Thank you. It’s a lonely life, but I manage. @TexChik

TexChik · F

@Carissimi I hate that for you . Interpersonal interaction always seems to be the toughest thing to do correctly with ptsd . I understand... and I am Very open to discuss anything with you if you ever have the need . Sometimes that helped me . 😊

SW-User

It broke me[image deleted]

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@SW-User 💔😢 we’ve all been through it. It gets better, with time... I’m also going through it myself, as a woman in her 30’s, I still have to deal with verbal abuse from my narcissistic mother....

SW-User

@Mrowe718 I'm in my 50s, and before my Dad died, I got closure. But it takes a while to change the thoughts in your mind. Some days are better than others. [image deleted]

Gelartsyyy · 22-25, F

Grew up feeling inferior to everyone. Grew up believing verbally abusing other people was normal.

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Gelartsyyy · 22-25, F

@Mrowe718 It's sad how most abusive parents fail to notice how their abuse can continue on to the next generation. I guess we're both lucky we were able to acknowledge the bad habits we learned, and are actively trying to unlearn them. I'm gonna let this die with me.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

@Gelartsyyy I understand. I, too,I spent a lot of my life feeling inferior to everyone. I automatically thought I was 2nd class.

Gelartsyyy · 22-25, F

@greenmountaingal 😔🤗🤗

SW-User

They weren't my parents, but I was raised by them for a lot of my childhood. I should have thick skin at this point, but I get extremely emotional when I feel like I've let someone down, to the point of crying.

I feel sick whenever I'm around washing machines because it not only reminds me of when she would shove my head in the water, but also because she'd put my cats in there and turn on the washing machine because she knew it hurt me when they were hurt.

She'd make me make impossible choices like killing some kittens myself or watching her do it brutally in front of me.

Even being recorded, it freaks me out because they would record me when I was crying and make fun of me in order to aggitate me, so I legitimately feel extremely uncomfortable when I'm on camera.

I was just in a constant state of frustration and extreme distress because I couldn't do anything. I was also phsyically and sexually abused, but the emotional abuse was nearly fucking intolerable. This is probably going to sound fucked up, but I'd always think that if I had to choose, I'd choose to just be molested and not deal with all the stress. At least when I was being molested, I wasn't hurt so much inside.

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tj78610 · 51-55, M

@SW-User Oh my goodness. So horrible!

eMortal · M

@SW-User where are those people!? Show them to me!! ⛏️

SW-User

@Mrowe718 Haha, it was kind of hard. I'd get the cats when they'd feel guilty or to make me feel better. But I'd wake up and they'd be gone, or she would hurt them to make me cry because she wanted me to beg her to stop or to say sorry about something. It was always things like that. I was like, 7. So I'd always get attached to them. They were like my only friends, and she knew that. So she would use them to hurt me.

Melpomene · 22-25, F

I'd rather forget that and only have happy memories of them.

greenmountaingal · 70-79, F

I suffered a great deal from an extremely verbally abusive mother who occasionally socked me just to show she could.

I feel so strongly about it that if I am very angry with a friend, I will hit them before I will consider verbal abuse. People recover from blows faster and better than they do from verbal abuse.

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@greenmountaingal I’m sorry you went through that. As an adult, I’m realizing a lot of my traumas stem from childhood, and things I thought were normal, werent. I didn’t realize much until I read a lot of self help articles and watched a lot of informative videos, that helped me realize that my mother was not normal.

tj78610 · 51-55, M

You know, from reading this, and from conversations with coworkers and friends, I marvel almost [i]every[/i] day at how fortunate I was to have 2 amazing and loving parents (and now as grandparents to my children).

I tell my kids often that I have better parents than they do. (And it is true)

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@tj78610 That’s fortunate. Even though don’t have children yet, not sure if I ever will. But if I do, I promise to never be like my mother.

tj78610 · 51-55, M

@Mrowe718 My parents were awesome, not perfect! There are some things I did not carry forward where I thought "not good". Learn your cues and triggers from her bad example and you can break the cycle,if you choose one day to have children.

jlsdjfhasdljfhasdfa · 41-45, M

It is unfortunate.

I was blessed to have very loving and supportive parents, they did not have all the money to buy me everything but did give me love and little bit more over protection which used to drive me crazy and still does.

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@jlsdjfhasdljfhasdfa my mother and father are providers and hard workers but I must admit that even though my parents loved me and my siblings, there was also quite a bit of favoritism, neglect and verbal abuse.

jlsdjfhasdljfhasdfa · 41-45, M

@Mrowe718 most parents are like that and are the biproduct of their upbringing, their own failures/success and with society they live in. They are often unable to cop with the burden and take it out on the kids. Some only do it so the kids do not go through the same failures, however their method does not relate to the new time/generation. They fail to connect with kids, new minds. Alcohol and or substance abuse committed by parents also does not help.

No wonder parent against considered one of the most Rd most toughest and difficult job in the world.

Until I became a better myself I didn't really understand the intricacies and the delicate balance we have to maintain and climb do I bring our kids.

It easy to bring a child in the world but raising is whole different story. Therr is there is no perfect answer for each kid it's like a custom-made for every parent.

I'd imagined when a parent is a failure him or herself it's not going to be good.
Education also plays a huge part.

Peapod · 61-69, F

I made it a life mission to not be like them.

letsdothisdbl07 · 46-50, M

I lived it and it sucked if you want to talk message me . I'm ex special forces and not wanting to air dirty laundry for everyone to see will chat private .

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Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@MalteseFalconPunch same here. Til this day I still get talked to like a child who’s disappointed her dear mother. She won’t change. She’s never wrong and if she “apologizes” it’s very condescending “well I’m sorry you feel that way”

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Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@MalteseFalconPunch my dad is more of the “turn a blind eye” kind of guy. If it isn’t his “golden child” he’s tending to, he really doesn’t care what’s happening to his other children, let alone..me. He’s very dismissive.

My mother is definitely the cold blooded one. She’s had a rough childhood herself, but I still refuse to make excuses for her.

SW-User

its the reason why mine are going to hell

Mrowe718 · 41-45, F

@SW-User 😔

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