Verbally and emotionally abusive PARENTS. Let’s talk about it?

They weren't my parents, but I was raised by them for a lot of my childhood. I should have thick skin at this point, but I get extremely emotional when I feel like I've let someone down, to the point of crying.

I feel sick whenever I'm around washing machines because it not only reminds me of when she would shove my head in the water, but also because she'd put my cats in there and turn on the washing machine because she knew it hurt me when they were hurt.

She'd make me make impossible choices like killing some kittens myself or watching her do it brutally in front of me.

Even being recorded, it freaks me out because they would record me when I was crying and make fun of me in order to aggitate me, so I legitimately feel extremely uncomfortable when I'm on camera.

I was just in a constant state of frustration and extreme distress because I couldn't do anything. I was also phsyically and sexually abused, but the emotional abuse was nearly fucking intolerable. This is probably going to sound fucked up, but I'd always think that if I had to choose, I'd choose to just be molested and not deal with all the stress. At least when I was being molested, I wasn't hurt so much inside.