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I Live In a Sexless Marriage

Sometimes I think I’m an ILIASM failure. I left my SM 2 years ago. However, I’m not one of the lucky ones who has already found a new relationship. Nor am I one of the blissed-out serenity junkies who’s just thrilled to be single. I’ve done some dating that didn’t work out, and that’s all I’ve gotten after leaving. I wanted something *better* than the SM.....not something equally as painful in a different way.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

You cannot put a price upon freedom. You cannot expect a time limit for a new relationship. You cannot expect to feel like others do. Keep exploring, Kat. What you have is definitely better. Listen, you are close in years to my age. I have never given up hope for that one everlasting love. I won't. And it isn't painful in a different way. I think you are too severe upon yourself. Can you work on you? Your passions? Your hobbies? Whatever makes your heart sing? Then, as the saying goes, when you least expect it, that wonderful man will come round. What you did-leaving a sexless marriage-was not a failure by any means! You are forgetting how it felt and how it effected you. Never give up. You want something that has yet not found you. Chin up, girl. You are living now!

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SmartKat · 56-60, F

@PoetryNEmotion Thank you.

diablesse · 56-60, F

What @PoetryNEmotion said.

SW-User

@PoetryNEmotion great reply

ChampagneOnIce · 51-55, F

I'm sorry, Kat. I want you to live the life you want. I'm so proud of you for leaving an unfulfilling situation. Not everyone has the courage to do that. But like others here have said, I think the love you desire will find you when you aren't looking for it. It takes time. I think you would be well served by pursuing your interests and desires separate from a relationship - your writing and other things you enjoy. Become the best you you can be - the person you want to be, and I believe you'll attract what you desire when you let go of wanting it so badly. I'm sending you good vibes, and I hope you find your way. <3

MrPerditus1 · 61-69, M

I'm sorry it's been rough for you and though it may feel painful right now, things always change. I've found in the past, that when I stopped looking for it, it seemed to just happen. But again, that's what's happened in my life. I don't have any pearls of wisdom, all I can say is hang in there and maybe, when you least expect it, it will present itself, till then, just find things you like that keep your attention and interest.

I hope things work out the way you want them too. I know it's not a huge comfort or even helpful, but I do hope the best for you.

GeniUs · 56-60, M

Never, ever, give up.
As soon as you do the dream has gone.

will999 · 70-79, M

Hi SmartKat 51-55, F I think I know how you feel. My SM ended in 1982, more than 35 years ago now when I suspected my partner of having an affair. She vehemently denied it, then left abruptly moving in with the prime suspect on the very same day. I paid my EX half what I got for our home to be fair to her and let go of her completely to be fair to me. I may have made a better decision if I'd had a little more cooperation from her. Her back door lover dumped her shortly after she had his child. I was a weekend parent for 15 years focusing on work in order to provide for myself and my 2 children which left little time for anything else. I had one or two postmarital relationships which did not last for various reasons leaving me sad lonely and single. I do not think my EX is very happy either but what's done is done and can not be easily undone. Neither am I one of the blissed-out serenity junkies. I have learned some hard lessons, the biggest one being that actions have consequences. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

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PoetryNEmotion · F

@will999 Thank you for answering my questions. I wish you well. And I am sorry you had to go through all this.

will999 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Thanks for replying. I can now speak from experience, the only relationship which endures is the one with a firm foundation of trust and respect. When that foundation is lost there is no real winner.

Collegegirl23 · 26-30, F

@will999 how sad

Midlifer · 61-69, M

I can't heart something that is heart-breaking, that's partly why I stay. And wonder. And stay, and wonder. I pray things improve for you, and soon

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PoetryNEmotion · F

@will999 Cheating and deception is so wrong. I posted a story yesterday. You may want to read it. I am glad you are free. Kat's story is a bit different than ours. She wrote a bit on it here. I have been thinking that the reasons can be irrelevant. What matters is how sexless unions effect us (and by result, our children). A spouse who cheats. A spouse who uses depression as a reason. Health conditions. There can be different reasons for not participating sexually or emotionally in a marriage. They all hurt us. And we shouldn't have to spend our lives feeling that we must stay in sexless unions for the sake of what-vows, doing what is "right" or fair. Fair to whom? If what is good for one person is so wrong for the other, is this really love? Loving ourself ought to be a priority. We matter too. I thank you for returning here. I have just risen so I will stop talking. Freedom sings. Take care.

will999 · 70-79, M

@PoetryNEmotion Hi again. I looked for your post as well on your profile page but could not be sure which one it was. Was it '[b]What are you doing here at 3:28 am. I am returning to bed. Will you even think of me when I have left? Hurry don't leave me hanging' [/b] in the group[b] Miscellaneous[/b]? If is not that one please tell me the title and the group so that I can find it. BTW I believe that [b]some[/b] women don't give up easily in a relationship but women are not all the same in this respect. When my 'dearly beloved' got herself sorted out with another man while I was hard at work during the days, I must have been the last person in the street to know.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@will999 No, none of them were the one. Those were just middle-of-the-night foolishness. I will find the title and send it to you.
That is the worse thing too. While you were working to benefit the two of you, she was cheating. It is hard to let go of that hurt.

dommagic · M

You have my sympathies, I’m currently in the same situation. I still love her and that in a way just makes it worse

SW-User

Hang in there SK, it will come in time

SmartKat · 56-60, F

@SW-User If it doesn’t come within the next 8 months, I’m going to start preparing to move to a place where there are a lot of other misfits.

SW-User

@SmartKat .. We're all looking for our people at some level .. whether friends, romantic partners or other .. just be yourself and give it some time

anoderod55 · 61-69, M

good luck to you . i don't want to start over . own my home , care giver for my dad , family near by and trying to work keeps me busy . satisfy myself . hope you find a good person soon ! :-)

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Collegegirl23 · 26-30, F

@anoderod55 ur dad still alive and your 69? What does he eat?

anoderod55 · 61-69, M

@Collegegirl23 hi ! i'm 62 . :-) just the age group i'm in goes up to 69 . dad is 97 going on 4 . lol . my dad was well taken care of by one of the best . Mom . she passed away 6 yrs ago . now i take care of him . organic and natural foods . still lives at home , mostly alone . he does have a son that is 69 . one 65 . then me and a daughter that just turned 51 . his mother lived to be almost 99 . :-) take care . thanks for asking .

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darktippedrose · 36-40, F

Hugs sweetie. My great aunt was in an abusive and sexless marriage. She did NOT get into another relationship for YEARS. And by then it was slow. I am so happy that she could find love.

I hope you do too

melbeacher · 56-60, M

You are not alone. Sending you a cyber hug and kiss on your neck.

PoetryNEmotion · F

@melbeacher How is the single life treating you, beacher? I hope you are not wild and you are enjoying it better now.

SmartKat · 56-60, F

@melbeacher How do I make this Best Answer? 😀

PoetryNEmotion · F

@SmartKat LOL. I think after a certain amount of time there is no option for best answer. If you think his is, just say it. LOL.

Docdon23 · M

yes...that is one reason I don't leave...I understand...

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anoderod55 · 61-69, M

@Docdon23 hi i'm not a doctor . worked with my mom . if nothing else try to get away from as much sugar as possible . it moves cancer . prayers to you and wife .

Docdon23 · M

@anoderod55 Thank you for your advice--I appreciate it!

anoderod55 · 61-69, M

@Docdon23 welcome and good luck !

mhuman · 36-40, M

sorry.. wish you the best. I can understand your pain. god bless you

Oside77 · 46-50, M

I'm sure you wanted to jump right into a physically satisfying relationship... but now that you have the freedom, you are probably being choosy about with whom you will be with.
I don't know.

Collegegirl23 · 26-30, F

@Oside77 it's true but beggers can't be choosy

Oside77 · 46-50, M

I think you can afford to be a little choosy. Take your time to find the lover that meets your needs.

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Gforce1163 · 56-60, M

I'm in a similar situation in some ways but I'm happy being single at the moment. I know it's easier said than done but try to enjoy how life is for now.

SmartKat · 56-60, F

@Gforce1163 I’d be fine with being temporarily single. It’s the thought of being on my own forever that makes me second-guess my decision.

Gforce1163 · 56-60, M

@SmartKat I understand. Im my experience relationships seem to come when I'm not looking for them 🙂

blazingrahul · 41-45, M

Life is a struggle u have to fight out

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