I Live In a Sexless Marriage

@Midlifer ditto...that's why I stay...

@Midlifer So a cold bed from a cold heart? I would rather have a free heart and warm my own bed then live with someone who refuses to love me. Kat has a heart and she is free. Free to live and to find love if it is out there for her. Those who stay and wonder if it will ever change? It won't. Keep fooling yourselves. Time marches on. And death will claim one of you sooner or later. Course if you don't care about time...You will lay in your cold beds until death comes.

@PoetryNEmotion Hello. This is true. I'm an EP survivor too. I was heartbroken when it came to an end, for whatever reason, but I must say that Similar Worlds (EP v2.0) is fairly good. All things must pass and endings are always hard to take. In life as a whole I would rather be sad, lonely and single than sad, lonely and stuck in a sexless marriage, especially when there is overwhelming evidence that your partner is having it off with someone else, brazenly denying it and making you feel doubly stupid, firstly for being cheated and secondly for putting up with it. It seems that some relationships are just not meant to be, no matter how hard you try. It only works when the commitment is reciprocal.

@will999 Hi. Endings mean new beginnings. Who would want to be with someone who doesn't love them or have intimacy? A lifetime can last for so many decades. Why be miserable? Each of us deserves the best life. When I was single following my divorce (which I found the courage to do myself after decades of unhappiness), I was a bit lonely. And I also was so happy to have my freedom. I didn't have to try to understand someone who clearly didn't want to love me. I didn't have to argue or cry or be depressed. I didn't have to pretend to the whole world that I was happy. I have always said it is better to be free and to have your own warm bed than to be miserable and lay alone when you have someone who claims to love you who prefers to sleep alone or next to you, cold. Sounds like you have experienced a cheater. None of us enter a marriage thinking it will ever end. And I think many remain and settle hoping and wishing and dreaming it will! As humans and as people we genuinely don't want to fail. We believe the vows til death do us part. And unfortunately, the refusers know that and depend upon it. It takes two to enter a relationship and/or a marriage. It takes two to make it grow. It takes one brave person to know when to call it quits and to move on.
The poster, Kat, here still has a great chance to succeed in her freedom. She shouldn't give up hope. She speaks of going back to her ex. I don't know why they parted, but must have been valid because women don't give up easily in a relationship. I think she will find a better, loving person in time. Some people take more time than others. Nothing wrong with that.
I wish you better. I am thinking you are free. In relationships, honesty is so important. Do follow your gut instinct. If you feel someone is cheating, confront them. If you feel they are lying, do what you can to find the truth. In hindsight, there were red flags everywhere in my marriage, yet I had no concrete proof. And, because of that, and because I trusted him, I stayed many years longer than I should have. It was only recently that I heard the truth from someone I should have listened more closely to decades ago. Someone who never lied. And it wounded me deeply. At last the truth. I still have my freedom. I never regretted leaving even when life was severe. Good fortune to you.

@PoetryNEmotion I can’t wait too much longer. I do not want to be all alone for the rest of my life. If I’d known that would be the result, I might have taken even longer to leave than I did. I might not have left at all. Being on your own is only good if you know it won’t be forever.

@SmartKat Kat, dear lady, I don't know what to tell you. You sound desperate like you are dying. You have freedom. Do you know how many others are existing in unhappy, sexless marriages? Do you know how many are reading your posting and all these words? Do you know how many envy you? No one says you have to be alone for the rest of your life! If you never had left, you would be unhappy still and still there. Tell me you remember exactly how that felt! You are not giving yourself a chance. I posted a story here today. Go read it. Maybe it will help you. You have time. You have to give yourself time. I cannot give you that. Life gives you that. Take it knowing the value of it and of freedom.

@PoetryNEmotion I looked for your post, didn’t find it. I’m not saying being alone is *always* bad. It was good at first. After 2 years, it’s getting old. I don’t mind doing it for a while; I just don’t want to do it forever.

@SmartKat If you go to my profile, it is the fourth posting. Don't change any settings. Might make you remember why you left or how it felt, Kat.
Two years? I met my current partner around that time. Give yourself more time.

@PoetryNEmotion Hi again. I can tolerate a 'dry spell' in my love life if it is due to fatigue from work or illness. We all experience this from time to time and I do not expect a partner to pander to my needs at the expense of her own. When I suspected that my partner's disinterest was due to her being involved with someone else, with considerable evidence, her reaction to me was nothing but scornful denial. It all ended when she left me in a storm of petulance and moved in with the culprit on the very same day. Cheating seems like an easy game to play while you are getting away with it but the cheat usually comes to a bitter end. I think she wanted me to crawl after her and beg her to come back but I called her bluff and placed half of what I got for our home in our joint bank account, which either of us could operate with only one signature and handed her the book giving her a clear choice. This all happened decades ago. I am happy that it put an end to the cheating but sad that it cost us both so much. You reap what you sow. When the father of my (now EX) wife's third child walks past me in a public place he looks in the opposite direction pretending not to see me. I've got nothing to hide. I feel no shame or remorse, only regret that the whole nasty business cost us all so much. If you're reading this SmartKat it takes strength of purpose to risk being lonely but being with someone who uses you and takes your commitment and hard work for granted feels even worse. Since my wife left I have had one or two affairs that did not work out for one reason or another. These days I sleep well at night happy to have my freedom. I do not think my EX is very happy today however but what's done is done and can not be easily undone.

@will999 Cheating and deception is so wrong. I posted a story yesterday. You may want to read it. I am glad you are free. Kat's story is a bit different than ours. She wrote a bit on it here. I have been thinking that the reasons can be irrelevant. What matters is how sexless unions effect us (and by result, our children). A spouse who cheats. A spouse who uses depression as a reason. Health conditions. There can be different reasons for not participating sexually or emotionally in a marriage. They all hurt us. And we shouldn't have to spend our lives feeling that we must stay in sexless unions for the sake of what-vows, doing what is "right" or fair. Fair to whom? If what is good for one person is so wrong for the other, is this really love? Loving ourself ought to be a priority. We matter too. I thank you for returning here. I have just risen so I will stop talking. Freedom sings. Take care.

@PoetryNEmotion Hi again. I looked for your post as well on your profile page but could not be sure which one it was. Was it 'What are you doing here at 3:28 am. I am returning to bed. Will you even think of me when I have left? Hurry don't leave me hanging' in the group Miscellaneous? If is not that one please tell me the title and the group so that I can find it. BTW I believe that some women don't give up easily in a relationship but women are not all the same in this respect. When my 'dearly beloved' got herself sorted out with another man while I was hard at work during the days, I must have been the last person in the street to know.

@will999 No, none of them were the one. Those were just middle-of-the-night foolishness. I will find the title and send it to you.
That is the worse thing too. While you were working to benefit the two of you, she was cheating. It is hard to let go of that hurt.