Tell me about your finest, most gritty, witty, lowdown,

@uncalled4 i had an ex who cheated on me with a 19 yr old girl. i wrote him an ode called, "longest poem for the shortest dick"

@foldedunfolding You should have made it a haiku.

@uncalled4 lmao nah it was long as hell..full of zingers..he was soo hurt lol

@foldedunfolding Got some good ones?

@uncalled4 I wrote this in like nooo time flat..one sec

I wrote this poem, called "Longest Poem for the Shortest Dick (My Ode to a Cheater)", when my ex broke up with me with an email that said, "YOU deserve better". I wrote him back: "YOU deserve THIS". He was 26 at the time and I was 24. He ran off with a 19-year-old. Around this time, Rosie O'Donnell had gotten in hot water for her impersonation of Asian people, saying that they sound like, "ching chong ching". The Mr. Salty thing comes from the name that my brother and his friends call their penises. I HAVE NO IDEA WHY THEY FELT IT NECESSARY TO FILL ME IN ON THAT PIECE OF TRIVIA. *Also, I would like to state for the record that i thought of the "gatorade~is it in you" thing before it became popular to say this, so please don't think i plagiarized it.*

The reason I'm going below the belt is
It's time I gave you some action
Even though your piggly wiggly
Likes to whore itself for a reaction.

I call it gatorade
Like "is it in you?"
And that's generous
But what can you do...

When your mother's cheap,
regurgitating womb
Forms you the
fruitiest of the loom?

I thought I could
make you better
Cuz my shit's
definitely wetter

...but...

I guess you like the barely legal
Like a juxtaposition for your bald head
So I'll just blaze like I'm regal
And line 'em up instead

Here's the thing:
I was never satisfied~
When your dong only goes ding,
It reminds me of your mind.

Rosie said "ching chong ching"
I'd rather doubledutchdyke out (like you say)
Than cock my asian
Just to shoot blanks.

Oh and I tried to milk the cow
But you're only half the heifer
Not to mention~
A metalhead social leper.

I'd rather be vegan,
Eating bush all day long
Than taste the veal
That you call a schlong.

I remember you changing in the room of lockers
When I first passed by
And you said, "Dayum look at those knockers!"
I just said, "Whoa, I spy huge thighs!

"Are you strapped for a cock?
'Cuz you need to feed that rooster
So you can strap something to the jock..
Cock-a-deedle-DUDE! Seat that thing in a booster!"

Your ship is in this glass longneck
With the message I am sending
But it's more of a shipwreck,
Let's stop all the pretending.

I threw it in the ocean
But your boat just wouldn't float
I got a citation for pollution
Which said, & I quote:

"I'm sure your boyfriend
Wishes it was a little taller
So he could show his girlfriend
How he grinds her instead of balls her.

"It was good of you to toss
The small fish back,
But I mean fuck,
You could floss with that!

"So give it a good home,
In a fish bowl of your choosing~
He mos def don't need a tank..
Mr. Salty's army's already losing."

I replied with a statement,
"Ok. I guess.
I used to love him,
I 'spose, more or less....

"Before I went out on a limb
That I thought was sturdy
Only to fall hard from that pin
'Cuz that thing's pushing thirty,
& it's more like pushing tin."

I lived with it, I lived with it,
I did the best I could
Christmas came in a bit,
Still couldn't tell if it was wood....

"God blessed us everyone!"
Said a joyful Tiny Tim.
"But some apparently more than other ones,
By the looks of him."

So for a Christmas gift
I showered J*n M*Cammon
With a cock pump (to give it a lift)
& some gay apparel to don.

His glee in that festive sweater
Made me almost forget
That for the world to be my oyster
He must have the best present yet!

I said with a voice shrill,
"I like my meat blackened!"
& I pulled out the new grill,
So his jaw promptly slackened.

He broke up with me,
& this was on a dime;
'Cuz you see,
He could only successfully 69....

That was the end
Of the whole sad story
Till I heard the money that could be gained
From going on Maury...

Where instead of segments about
Who's the baby's daddy,
I wouldn't at all doubt
I'll say something a little bit more catty

So at least SOME pussy can be happy!

@foldedunfolding Wow, BOOM! That's no clapback, that's a smackdown!

@uncalled4 hahaha i swear it was divine, bc the ALACRITY with which that came to me child!!!

@foldedunfolding You stand in linguistic opposition to 90% of the monosyllabic idiots all over the web.

@uncalled4 haha why thank you, peach fuzz

@foldedunfolding Must we bring citrus into the conversation? It had good flow.

@uncalled4 peaches arent citrus! plus, i love both! haha

@foldedunfolding Work with me on this lol.