I see him talking to you with that look and saying this
Yesterday it was 107 outside and I’m standing there like, “Okay so you CHOSE violence for fun?” Alrighty then
You come out all “bestie” energy “C’mon, buddy, let’s go for a walk!”
For a walk?! Bro, I don’t do “walks.” I’m a county farm dog. I do: supervising. Inspecting. Being offended on command.
And you got me confused...thinking I’m some pet on a leash. Listen to me carefully: I do NOT have a leash.
I have a TERRITORY. I have STANNNDARDS. I have SHADE as a lifestyle. You dig my man!
My face? My face said, “It’s 107 degrees and you want me to go outside and TRUST YOU?”
Absolutely not.
That’s not friendship... that’s you asking me to speedrun heatstroke like it’s a hobby.
So you start acting nice....talking about “JUST A QUICK ROUND."
Quick round?!
My man, the sun is doing wind resistance tests on my soul right now.
And then - THEN - you try to bribe me with treats like that’s gonna fix the temperature. Treats don’t reduce heat, they just make me temporarily ignore my rights.
I’m loyal, yes. But loyalty has conditions:
Water.
Shade.
And no more “WALK” talk when it’s 107.
Now shut up.
Open the water.
Let me be a county farm dog in peace.
(I hope you enjoyed my idea on what I think your dog might be saying to you)
