Is it normal

Very normal. You have no closure and this event truly traumatized you. I am so sorry this happened to you. I pray God will heal your heart so you can move on. However if you stepped back into that while she is still emotionally unwell, you would only be making things worse. She needs help and counseling. And for you to stay in that type of environment, would only drag you down, as it is toxic to your health. Sometimes we're missing what we thought we had, and that hurts just as bad. I would recommend counseling and much prayer. I just read where you said you were healing. I am so happy to hear that. You deserve to be happy and you deserve someone who will want to make you happy.

@ Nbayoungboy
Consider it as a lesson in life and think of her as a great teacher in how to relate to people in an intimate relationship. It's time for you to move on and form a new relationship with a woman who truly values you and who will respect and honor you as you do her. But, you could need another lesson if you don't get your head on straight. Just be thankful that you didn't marry her and have to go through a messy divorce.

People usually go through a dozen or two dozen before they find the right one.

sorry too here that but whatever you feel now and you must be hurt by this . she has betrayed you in every way possible and broke your heart i should imagine . basically she is a no good person and you need to put her out of your head and move forward [nbayoungboy]