Only logged in members can reply and interact with the post.
Join SimilarWorlds for FREE »

I think its rude to casually ask people how they're doing.

It seems to be considered common courtesy but I don't think it should be. Its rude to casually remind people of all their problems if you don't want to stick around to hear about them.

Its different if they actually care about your response, but most of the time you have to lie through your teeth to give a expected response of "good, how are you?" And most of the time they don't even answer because they're already walking away.
There is no question that in English speaking countries it is considered polite to ask, [i]polite[/i], nothing more.
The polite answer is not to tell the truth but to say "very well, thank you, and you?"
They will politely tell you they are OK too, and then the real conversation begins - depending on the nature and purpose of the meeting.
It's done between people who have just met or do not know each other well.

It is assumed that the question cannot be a reminder, because no sane person is ever unaware of how they are. It's not exactly something one can forget.

Telling the truth about one's feelings is reserved for genuine friends, doctors, psychologists - and in any situation in which telling it matters.

One might find some truth here, where people can hide behind their anonymity. But just as often it's full of tricksters and pranksters - as if there was a god called Loki running riot.
Given the most casual, informal greeting in my native tongue essentially translates to "Greetings; how are you?" in English, and it is mainly used to greet people we don't necessarily know, I disagree entirely.

Then again, I just mentioned the contextual clause exception too; for those I do know, I would not use that greeting, and especially not for those I am close to. Since English is a conlang whose contextual enforcement is lax as fuck, I would definitely understand if one were to see my native tongue's most casual and informal greeting as rude, but ask yourself this:

What if you didn't know English at all?
Chelsiegirl · 46-50, T
I think its ok.. or i ask hows is your day so far?
@Chelsiegirl what ?
some schlock therapist who only wants to get paid?

I say ok, lucky you that u could adjust to him and his needs

lol!
Chelsiegirl · 46-50, T
@Elevatorpitches u have issues..
@Chelsiegirl ty🤣
Piper · 61-69, F
While I've never considered people doing that rude, I do get what you're saying.
Zonuss · 41-45, M
It's not rude when someone truly cares. They mean no harm.
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@Zonuss looking at the date on this, I was in pretty dark space when I wrote this post. A watery sun is shining now 😊
Frank52 · 70-79, M
It can be awkward and when I was working with people in very sensitive circumstances I made it a point not to ask that. I tried to start with something like, 'Hi, it's good to see you.' Or 'Morning, I wonder what today will bring?' Never even 'Good Morning' lest that be a trigger. Only if I had time would I ask, 'How are you...really?' out of respect.
@Frank52 I knew u were special from the second I noticed u here.🤗
SW-User
I think 90% of the time.... people don’t even care when they ask.

Thankfully... my friends know I don’t care and when I say “are you alright?” I actually mean it.
SW-User
I understand. A lot of people feel the way you do. But if you can look at it another way, it might make it easier to accept. It's a pleasantry, that's all. It's usually done with a smile and a way of acknowledging another human being. Some people need that little bit of positive social connection.
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@SW-User I understand. And most people think its rude not to ask. But I just think there are other ways of being pleasant.
SW-User
@coffeedimplez True. But it's hard for people to change what's become the acceptable norm. I usually always complement a person on something they're wearing. Sometimes a compliment can make all the difference in a person's day. It makes ME feel good to see someone's face suddenly start beaming.
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@SW-User Yeah that's a great feeling! I know its really hard to change norms. This will most likely continue to be the norm. But if the norm were to change it would start with someone presenting a different point of view to consider. There are much bigger problems in the world though than kind people casually asking how someone's doing
Perhaps ask them, "Do you really want to know?" I think there are times we assume people don't want to know. I know I do and I contemplate in my head whether or I not I tell them how I am. "I'm fine" or "I'm ok" usually wins. I'm sure there are those who would listen if I told them.
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@midnightrose That's true also. And if I'm in a bad mood I don't want to ruin someone else's vibe who was just trying to spread pleasantries
SW-User
I don't see it as rude nor dismissing, but am from a diffrent generation. If someone let's me know they don't care for that greeting, I certainly wouldn't use it and say a hello or another general greeting.
Nobody can read a mind and I don't believe most people's intent is to make you remember your problems as they would have no idea what they are unless you told them.


There are two edges to the sword, I believe, and sometimes spilling out too much about personal problems and monopolizing everything conversation with "a woe is me" gets to be a bit tiresome as well... not at all indicating this is what you meant to imply.
Just an observation.
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@SW-User About the monopolizing. That's very true! Which is why we lie. To be honest I never believe the people intends to remind you of your issues, but that's the effect of it. I'm never offended by the people asking because I know they're not trying to be rude. But I think the that it shouldn't be a norm to ask that as a casual question.
SW-User
@coffeedimplez I can see your point.
Miram · 31-35, F
Yep, I only ask if I care.
TexChik · F
There’s nothing rude about being courteous and kind . Theres always someone that will take offense no matter what . Let ‘em , who cares?
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@TexChik Of course not. I understand that they are trying to be courteous but I think that that shouldn't be widely standardized way of being so.
Harriet03 · 41-45, F
The definition of bad manners: When you politely ask someone how they are, they have the nerve to actually tell you!! 🤦‍♀️
-Oscar Wilde...
Considering all the things people have said to me that are actually [b]rude[/b], I’m not ready to take offense at someone simply asking me how I’m doing. It’s too easy for [b]me[/b] to say “fine” and keep moving.
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@bijouxbroussard Yeah I didn't mean that I'm offended by it. I know they're not trying to be rude. I just don't think that question should be asked lightly because you never know what people are going through.
@coffeedimplez Ask lightly or ask medium or heavy but DONT ASK IF U REALLY DON"T CARE OR DON"T KNOW THEM
How are you doing? Really?
@coffeedimplez Would you like to talk? PM?
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@anythingoes477 Thanks but I can't talk about it. I will keep you in mind if I need to talk. I hope you're doing good.
@coffeedimplez PLEASE do. I'm great....now.
It is rather superficial, yet it is a common courtesy. It is that or talk about the weather.
Iwillwait · M
Yes, I believe it is rude if you're not willing to listen. Don't ask that question.
How about in the store with the HAVE A GOOD ONE..as if they are in on your private party plans. And then you are supposed to agree..that they are in on your private party plans by smiling pleasantly as if that remark meant anything...

when they could just as well say, "thank you for your patronage, see you again I hope."
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@Elevatorpitches Lol interesting view point. I say that all the time lol. I'm basically saying have a good day
@coffeedimplez Have a good day is better than Have a good ONE...

because they don't know what the hell they are talking about but YOU aren't supposed to know that

Its so manipulative and sad and un-communicative, its a ritual of mindlessness and snubbing

Esp when so many people are insanely lonely and aren't having a good ANYTHING and definately aren't having a party.

If this is what communication means though...I'd rather not shop.
People love talking about their problems. Thats why i dont ask.
I get that greeting from an Indian speaking person once in a while.
Disposal · 36-40, M
What about ....how are you?
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@Disposal Its kind of the same to me
plungesponge · 41-45, M
Who are you doing?
coffeedimplez · 26-30, F
@plungesponge No one at all
once upon a time it was not rude to hug people and ask them are you fine, not anymore
DCarey · 46-50, M
How ya doing?

 
Post Comment