What do you do?

My mom passed away unexpectedly today and I don’t know what I am supposed to do. My emotions come in waves. I never thought I would be alive to see the day she passed away. I keep thinking she is alive but remember she is not. I keep wanting to reach out and call her to tell her how sad I am and that I don’t know what to do but I can’t. I know this is bitter sweet that she passed away as bad as that sounds but my mom went through SO much up until today when she passed. The bitter part is I will not see her anymore or talk to her. The sweet part is she’s in heaven and not suffering. I miss my mom. Today I played all her voicemails. My heart is beating so fast right now because I cannot accept this.

Does grieving take long, I don’t want to deal with it? I just want to go bed and not wake up. I don’t even want to go to her funeral because than it will be to real for me. I don’t know what to do. I feel so alone without her, she wa my best friend.

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dancingtongue · 80-89, M

Everyone grieves in their own way, and for different periods of time. Don't feel you have to meet other people's standards, with one exception. Do attend her funeral, but not because your absence would be so jarring to others; because you will regret it the rest of your life. Assuming you have a say in her funeral arrangements, focus on making sure it is what she would have wanted even if it was not having a funeral. My late wife did not want a funeral, a rosary, or any other "death ceremony" with what she called the "professional Sicilian wailers"; that a celebration of life would be OK as long it included food, drink and laughter. So that's what we did. When my subsequent partner of 10 years died, her youngest son made the arrangements for graveside services. Nothing like I would have done, but figured it was not my place as the johnny come lately -- he represented her real family. The point is, get involved in how to HONOR her as she deserves rather than grieve for her, which is about you not her. Do you ever get to the point of not missing them, feeling you can pick up the phone and call them, think "I need to remember to tell her about this". Nope. And it was particularly so a couple of weekends ago when our granddaughter graduated from college, but I knew somewhere she was smiling and very proud.