How I want it to end

I read through your words
I have spent a great amount of my life in that state
When I say in that state I mean, it is not only about the ending, it is about the energy around you that I sense, almost empty, almost poetic, dark but colorful if you understand.

I always wanted to fly and so I would go to high buildings in the heart of the winter, to the top roof and entertain the skies and looking down. I was standing on high buildings in the middle of heavy storms, getting all soaked and trembling from the cold. I would become the storm.

Other times I was entertaining the sea, the huge waves, the sea at night.

It took me a hell of a deal to get out of that ambience that was very active and I never, ever during those years spoke a single word to anyone about it, not only until the bondage was lose enough to let go.

I am not going to do a prep talk here, I am only saying that I understand this.

I would go and climb on trees and stay there for long enough, until it passes. Some other times, I would lay on the earth and let her do her medicine on me. Other times I would go to graveyards to find peace.

I hope, sharing like this doesn't make it about me. I hope so.

Now I want to make a movie about it. But it may or may not come, as I do not have yet an ending.

Idea: I think all these negative feelings and thoughts about yourself and life in general stem from all the pressure you live around your entourage. Maybe.. perhaps, moving out temporarily or going on a vacation.. like this, on your own.. could help you reconnect with yourself and see if you feel the same when away from the stressors? The thing is, your loved ones will still suffer your loss. But I think it is not true ..speaking of the way you see yourself as unworthy.. maybe you are just in need of experience or practice to do some things better, but not unworthy. Don't let their drama control you. I never met someone perfect! The things you want to improve..it's doable. Furthermore..life isn't that long / better try and turn it into a story you like? I say spend some time in a peaceful environment and think it clear. Maybe you just need to meet new, nice people and keep trying until you find something that you like and that you are amazing at? It takes a lot of exploration and trial and error before anyone becomes good at anything, so don't be afraid to trip and learn. That's how you begin to walk. You're young, plenty of time to catch up on whatever you want to be great at! Use your emotions as fuel to turn your life around. It is your story. You have the last word. Stay strong, you may not believe it now but I promise, if you stick around you will see that life can be beautiful, too. ♥

Please don't think like that, I can do life gets hard but keep going. Try to explore your self, there must be something that you want to do, give yourself to it. Finding your purpose will help you have a meaning in life

Nope. In fact you can do it. With your mind… so be careful … and even if you’ve tried w your mind alone, and you are still here?— it means atleast one person is thinking about you enough to keep you “here”…. In the meantime- ☝ And I mean it!- take the time to breathe deep. Stretch. And be the voice of reason for people who have questions.

Breath pure helium till you abscond from the mortal coil then timed thermite charge to burn hot and long enough to fully ash the dregs