Do you think you have Socially prescribed perfectionism?

Im reading a self help book, "How to be Enough," by Ellen Hendriksen. Im in the chapter on perfectionism and how there's Self oriented perfectionism, where it's root is internal . And there's also, Socially prescribed perfectionism.
She states, "...Socially prescribed perfectionism is external - it comes from a belief that others will be highly critical if we fail to meet their sky-high expectations."

The author states Bruno Mars had this type...where he'd go into the studio and be painstakingly set on what MIGHT go wrong, since his first album had great success, he feared fans would expect that much or more from him in the future. The producer Ari Levine said about Mars, "I've never seen someone so meticulous in my entire life, when it comes to anything."

This issue is HUGE for me. From years of extreme violence and abuse growing up, if you even said a WORD "wrong", you'd be attacked and shamed. Im trying to overcome this type of perfectionism Bec it's made my life small. I don't take risks, I don't even date, and I get anxiety even thinking of meeting up with an old friend. Not to mention anxiety off the chart in certain jobs. Do you experience this?

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JimboSaturn · 56-60, M

Never let perfection get in the way of progress.

JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

I am meticulous about some things, sloppy about others. And when I am meticulous, it is mostly internal, in the sense that I care less about what other people might think about the quality of my work or if it is useful to humanity, yet care a lot about meeting my own standards.

With some things I am obsessive about perfection, because I cannot stand the imperfection. Yet with other things I am a slob and do not care.

One nice thing, is that as I have aged and accumulated wealth, and as I approach retirement, it has freed and loosened me up. I am less intimidated by management since I know I am smarter and more experienced in the technical details (yet not good at administrative or social tasks). I speak my mind and do not worry about what my peers think. I think that is my job, anyway.

Also, I almost died from illness (with a long hospital stay) a few years ago and that caused most of my social anxiety to evaporate. I am myself. Except my doctors still nag me. But that is their job.

My boss is pretty hands off. I listen to my parents, to honor them, but do what I want, regardless! They are too old to change, and so am I, LOL!

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JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

@Baybreeze

Especially when it comes to math, computer programming, spreadsheets, writing, formatting, etc.

But my apartment is a mess!

The nice thing is I get to move in a few weeks to a new place. Maybe I can turn over a new leaf and be tidy for a change, LOL!

My new floors will be all wood (or whatever wood like surface it is, it may not really be wood), so no more vacuuming. I should buy a new broom and mop, I suppose. Or do they sell mopping robots?

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@JoyfulSilence Actually many vacuums have a floor setting which is cool. I. Am a bit similar in that I don't care if there's some piles of papers or books or clothes in my house ... I'll never care about really being tidy and perfectionism in that area. I am not overly organized but I make sure I keep plenty of walking space always.

But as far as what I might say to a new potential boss, or an old friend online...in my mind I have to be it ALL or Im not enough. It's a helpless feeling and I'm working relentlessly on healing. Im learning we are human and therefore FALLIBLE, like anyone else. That my good enough is good enough, whether something I did or say.

JoyfulSilence · 51-55, M

@Baybreeze

You are nice to talk to, and a friend to me. And I am sure many here feel the same.

My vacuum has a slider to raise or lower the roller. I have that fake "wood" floor on part of my apartment (kitchen and dining room). Yet I have never mopped it. Also the bathrooms have a smooth (linoleum?) floor.

Yet I do not worry about anything anymore because I already know they plan to tear out everything and put down new "wood" and carpet. The former is over a decade old, and the latter nearly two decades old. It has carpet bubbles!

GerOttman · 70-79, M

The pursuit of perfection leads to maddness.

The pursuit of excellence leads to glory!

-quoted from a beer commercial

FreddieUK · 70-79, M

I made a post about this when I first joined and read some of the comments on here. It is a pressure we need to free ourselves from.

https://similarworlds.com/identity/not-perfect/5182778-The-Insitance-on-Perfection-by-the-Imperfect

Baybreeze · 41-45, F

@FreddieUK Ty I'll check it out🌸

EldritchFox · 41-45, F

I don't take the prescription, but I'm still stuck feeling it because so many other people do.

I don't know how people keep it up

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