What is something in this human experience you'd like to do /try

@SwampFlower that's my fear too.. feeling I'm still not worth someone's love. Because they might see a kind person at first which I am..but I'm also not normal and my anxiety has been crippling. Who would truly stay with me?? That's my fear. But, I'm also trying to turn around my negative perception of myself, to a attitude of This is me, warts and all. It's really tough but I'm still working at it. Ty for your kind words ♥

@Coralmist May I ask why you think that having anxiety is such a deal breaker? I’m not pushing back to be mean. I just don’t see it in such a dire way and I’m not sure what I’m missing.

@SwampFlower Not just anxiety, but anxiety that is crippling, so including panic and some phobias. It has made my life small, and someone who might be with me, they could tire of me/it. 😞

@Coralmist the right people will see that and accommodate it, not punish you for it.

Are there things that you do like about yourself? Because I can think of dozens of things I like about you.

@SwampFlower Many guys do seem *instant gratification* oriented... And want fun . Which having so much panic it's hard for me to offer it. But I do offer humor. I like that I can make light of many situations, and I'm a good listener. Patient too. I just don't know those few traits could override my disorder 🙁 That's so nice of you to say Flower, ty🪻

@Coralmist the guys who only want instant gratification aren’t compatible and that’s okay. There are plenty who don’t want that. I feel like you have very black or white thinking on this. Have you ever talked about black and white thinking with your therapists?

have you ever thought about what you want in a relationship? Vs what you can or don’t think you can provide?

@SwampFlower

I have been to:

Acadia, Shenandoah, Great Smoky, Assateague, Hatteras, Catoctin, Adirondack (state park), Mammouth Cave, Cumberland Falls (state park), Blue Ridge Parkway, Jockey's Ridge (state park at Nag's Head), Sky Meadows (state park in VA on Blue Ridge)

Gettysburg, Antietam, Chattanooga, Chicamauga, Manassas, Ball"s Bluff, Chancellorsville, the Wilderness, Yorktown

National Capital Region national parks and monuments (Mall, Jefferson, Lincoln, both Roosevelts etc.)

Rocky Mountain, Yellowstone, Grand Teton, Glacier, Grand Canyon, Great Sand Dunes, Flaming Gorge, Medicine Bow Mountains in WY (not sure if it is a park).

And a host of little state and local parks all over.

I booked at trip to Yosemite, but the pandemic cancelled it.

I haven't taken a "real" vacation since. I thought about it, though. Then I got sick and almost died, and became lame. No more hikes!

I need to plan something this year!