What sucks about always being nice or people pleaser

People think you are justa a giving, bubbly, machine of joy in general, or for them. What they don't see or seem to care about, is the people pleaser is often suffering. Feeling if they didn't give their all in every interaction, they aren't Enough as a person. It's defeating over time and it erodes the already unsteady self esteem.
And people do not ask or suspect the Nice person is barely hanging on to life, feeling almost non-existent.
Kind people need to be consoled too and given comfort. (Irl) It's an empty life fulfilling everyone else.

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Mordechai · 31-35, M

That sounds like it sucks. The thing that helped me was learning my boundaries and respecting myself and my needs first.

It's not my responsibility to make others feel happy or comfortable, or be convenient. The people who stay will, the ones who don't will go.

If somebody can't handle me being mad when I am, that's on them. Emotions are natural, it took me a long time to be okay with that and it's still a journey in that respect. It takes being brave, putting your own needs first, and learning it's okay and that people will accept you regardless.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@Mordechai Thank you. That's the main issue, is knowing or learning that I have a right to put my needs first. I had severe abuse growing up, narcissist screaming at me daily that I had no right to even TALK. calling me names, and you eventually start to believe as a kid you barely have a right to exist. That basis did not leave Bec I got older. It only strengthened😟 I will re read your reply , I really appreciate it🌸

Mordechai · 31-35, M

@Coralmist probably recommended it before but "The courage to be disliked" is worth reading/listening to