Personal thoughts
I always feel sad for ppl that killed themselves. How lonely and broken must they have felt. Used and discarded, in such a broken world, how can a God punish the ones that were so miserable already on earth.
26-30, F
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As someone that has long struggled with those kinds of thoughts, it's amazing to look back and realize how hard it was to wriggle free from the tendrils of depression. It's like trying to go through life while chained to heavy stones, except no one around you can see them.
But I guess in many ways, people are invariably prisoners of their own minds. Whether it's addiction, codependency, mental illness, or religion and politics, it's easy for one to lose themselves to a certain frame of mind.
It always reminds me of the infamous Nietzsche quote: "If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you". People who focus their lives so intently around one thing inevitably become captured and ruled by it. Marcus Aurelius touched on this too when he said "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts"
While I can't blame people who look to death as an escape, it can become a honey pot of sorts. It promises people an end to their pain and misery while also robbing them of any opportunity to ever be happy again. It gives them incentive to stop trying, to quit looking for solutions, to avoid working on themselves.
Surrendering to the idea that there is no hope, no joy, no love to ever be found, is less a statement grounded in reality and more of a complicated coping mechanism. It takes the pressure and stress off of ourselves to change, off of the uncertainty surrounding our futures, off of the time and effort needed to make connections or pursue interests which keep us going. It's a fantasy, however morbid it may be, that removes us from toil and tedium of daily life.
Looking back, I'm happy that I didn't follow through on my intentions. While life isn't all sunshine and puppy dogs, I get to now reap the rewards of my efforts that make living worthwhile. I hope anybody that finds themselves in the grasp of deep despair can read this and gain some insight needed to keep trying to free themselves and take ownership of their minds.
But I guess in many ways, people are invariably prisoners of their own minds. Whether it's addiction, codependency, mental illness, or religion and politics, it's easy for one to lose themselves to a certain frame of mind.
It always reminds me of the infamous Nietzsche quote: "If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss also gazes into you". People who focus their lives so intently around one thing inevitably become captured and ruled by it. Marcus Aurelius touched on this too when he said "The happiness of your life depends upon the quality of your thoughts"
While I can't blame people who look to death as an escape, it can become a honey pot of sorts. It promises people an end to their pain and misery while also robbing them of any opportunity to ever be happy again. It gives them incentive to stop trying, to quit looking for solutions, to avoid working on themselves.
Surrendering to the idea that there is no hope, no joy, no love to ever be found, is less a statement grounded in reality and more of a complicated coping mechanism. It takes the pressure and stress off of ourselves to change, off of the uncertainty surrounding our futures, off of the time and effort needed to make connections or pursue interests which keep us going. It's a fantasy, however morbid it may be, that removes us from toil and tedium of daily life.
Looking back, I'm happy that I didn't follow through on my intentions. While life isn't all sunshine and puppy dogs, I get to now reap the rewards of my efforts that make living worthwhile. I hope anybody that finds themselves in the grasp of deep despair can read this and gain some insight needed to keep trying to free themselves and take ownership of their minds.