I was wrong about my nurse

Hilarious. She’s perfect for my care.
I remember being so hesitant and annoyed about my oncologist before when I’d first encountered him in the hospital over a year ago. Then, as I was explaining to him my trepidation over chemo treatment, he’d said, “Well, nobody likes to be poisoned,” and that acknowledgment was perfect. Like, don’t lie to me and don’t pretend it’s not what you’re doing to me: poisoning me. But it’s what was going to stop me from dying a very specific way. Truth. I appreciated it so much. I knew he was the doctor to trust the second he’d said that.

My current hospice nurse didn’t have such a specific statement that still rings in my ears and gets me to trust her, but she has that same manner that the oncologist did. I’m seeing that, and I greatly appreciate it. I don’t need the gentle angels, much as I like them. 🥹 I need a care team who gives info to me straight, doesn’t play games or try to baby me, and prioritizes my real wants and needs. (She’s very much like: “This is the problem, and these can help. This is what went wrong, and this is likely why. You’re suffering, so let’s try this…let’s ask the doctor about this, and see if there’s a solution.”)
That’s what I got. I’m very grateful.

dancingtongue · 80-89, M

Big fan of the straight shooters as well. Don't insult my intelligence with the attempts at a caring attitude. Otoh, the specialist who did the bronchoscopy confirming lung cancer on my late wife actually broke-down crying when giving her the diagnosis, since it was essentially a death notice. He pulled no punches about the location and the pattern precluded radiation and surgical options, and that chemo most likely would be only a delaying a tactic. And started crying. Whether for her, or for having to admit he was not an infallible God as a doctor, I'm not sure. My wife started comforting him -- hugging him, telling her she had been through chemo for breast cancer already and it had turned out fine. He looked up at her and said, "this is all wrong. I'm supposed to be comforting you!"

JollyRoger · 70-79, M

@dancingtongue Yes, have you ever had to put your own pet down?
Those are likely the feelings a doctor has when telling someone they are incurable and will die.

dancingtongue · 80-89, M

@JollyRoger Yep. Also been there when two partners opted for hospice, which is equally hard. Not an easy choice to make. And the hospice workers who deal with the dying, knowing all they can do is make them as comfortable as possible in their final days, are the real heroies in my book.