On the edge

I never thought the damage my mother did would have such an impact on my life. Her beatings, emotional abuse, narcissism right up until the minute she passed two years ago. To this day i have nightmares about her. Im so freaking messed up. Then theres my husband whos cheated, been half a father and does maybe 5% percent of what a husband should. Add in my kids health issues and now mine and i feel like im going to lose it. When i close my eyes all i wish for is a peaceful feeing in my soul. Ive never had that.

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TinyViolins · 31-35, M

I've been doing a deep dive on attachment styles recently and it's pretty spooky how nearly all of my problems can be traced back to my childhood abuse and neglect. I feel so powerless. Like one of Pavlov's dogs that has been programmed to react the way its master intended it to act.

I'm trying to break away from all that conditioning, but it's hard. Sometimes knowledge isn't enough and you're just four bald tires spinning fruitlessly in the mud.

I think when you're just so helplessly lost in life, the only thing you can do is to go with the flow and hope the current leads you somewhere more promising. Swimming against the current is just going to wipe you out

Summerbreeze45 · 46-50, F

@TinyViolins thats a very good way of putting it. You are right, when i try to forget, pretend it never happened, thats when i break. Unfortunately and obviously its part of who i am no matter how much i wish it away.

I wish tou peace in your journey and thank you for sharing your story.

babyboy42 · 41-45, M

hi wanna talk messge me in my inboxs please??

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