I am losing ground
I am a ghost that only exists in this tiny space that renders every morning. This is my home. This is my office. This is my tomb.
My spere of influence no longer extends outside the confines of this sandbox environment. I am even starting to question my influence within it. Surely there has to be a space for me too inside my home?
Life has not halted… just my place in it has been obscured
I tread eggshells in this cage of mine and wait for life to happen to me… As I no longer have the influence to exert my will upon the world, I stand by and watch the world exert its will on me instead and hope that some piece of me remains after
Faces come and go; all with their own needs and demands of me. I have no voice… yet this is supposed to be my life – my home. I am losing ground. I can not meet these demands anymore. I no longer possess the energy. I cannot keep these faces happy… I can’t even keep myself happy anymore.
I keep wondering if it won’t be better if I just stop living altogether. I can’t help anyone; I can’t give anymore… my resources have been depleted. Perhaps if I were dead, it would be less of a disappointment that I can’t give any of you what you want from me anymore.
It has been a while since I went looking at what I need and what I want. The question is never posed; thus, I can never be disappointed by the outcome. Yet now it is deafeningly loud… I need a break. I need this all to end. Life needs to end. I am not cut out for this. I need some space to be as well, yet this is not afforded to me. Everyone else takes precedence, everyone else’s needs always trump mine. I have no space, I have no voice, all I have are expectations and obligations that I can no longer meet. I am sorry.
My spere of influence no longer extends outside the confines of this sandbox environment. I am even starting to question my influence within it. Surely there has to be a space for me too inside my home?
Life has not halted… just my place in it has been obscured
I tread eggshells in this cage of mine and wait for life to happen to me… As I no longer have the influence to exert my will upon the world, I stand by and watch the world exert its will on me instead and hope that some piece of me remains after
Faces come and go; all with their own needs and demands of me. I have no voice… yet this is supposed to be my life – my home. I am losing ground. I can not meet these demands anymore. I no longer possess the energy. I cannot keep these faces happy… I can’t even keep myself happy anymore.
I keep wondering if it won’t be better if I just stop living altogether. I can’t help anyone; I can’t give anymore… my resources have been depleted. Perhaps if I were dead, it would be less of a disappointment that I can’t give any of you what you want from me anymore.
It has been a while since I went looking at what I need and what I want. The question is never posed; thus, I can never be disappointed by the outcome. Yet now it is deafeningly loud… I need a break. I need this all to end. Life needs to end. I am not cut out for this. I need some space to be as well, yet this is not afforded to me. Everyone else takes precedence, everyone else’s needs always trump mine. I have no space, I have no voice, all I have are expectations and obligations that I can no longer meet. I am sorry.
