My husband has created this situation.....I don't need him because he does nothing for me. He has shown me he hates doing things for me so I don't need him when I have ppl I can hire!
I think it's rather a compliment to your husband... Basically you are saying that you live with your husband not because you "need a man", but because you "want / love" your husband... I don't understand how that can be possibly insulting... Maybe they misconstrued what you said and interpreted that you were saying your husband was "useless" or something...? 🤔
It's not really a gender thing, just kinda hurtful to hear that someone you love "doesn't need" you. IDK if I'd say it's morally wrong, but I don't think you should be surprised that people are weirded out by it. Also depends on the relationship in question (i.e. dating for 2 weeks vs 6 years & engaged).
although if you say "I don't need you I'm with you 'cause love you" or something like that, I think that'd take the sting out of it & maybe make 'em feel better than they would have if you said nothing.
Reading all the comments it seems that lot of people are confusing "Need" with "Love", as if "loving someone" implied "needing someone". These are very different things. I know it's very romantic to say "I need you" to a loved one. People like to be needed and wanted. But seriously people, love is something else. To "need a man" or to "need a woman" has absolutely nothing to do with love.
@drymer I agree with what you said and at 1 time in my life I was a hopeless romantic and I would have agreed with preferring to say that I needed my husband but unfortunately life dealt me situations beyond my control and people in my life made decisions that forced me to confront the reality that I do not need a man
@zonavar68 But "wanted" is different than "needed". I may want chocolate ice cream but I don't need it. The fact that I don't need chocolate ice cream doesn't mean I don't love it. The same logic can be applied to human relationships. Need/love... Very different things...
I don't think I have ever felt that I "needed" a man; I fell in love with 3 men in my life and they all came to the point of "not being essential" in my life. I did not NEED them, I loved them and I refused to let "my needs" dictate whom and how I love.
@MsAlaineEYes This is about how I feel about women after being jilted and jaded and made to feel so unworthy and sub-standard as part of a so-called loving couple. It's a pointless exercise to need or want a relationship any more so I don't really bother trying to notice anyone or be noticed by anyone.
@ginnyfromtheblock Many people have a romanticized idea of need which I too hold onto somewhat especially considering my religious upbringing. But in that moment I was speaking in a purepragmatic sense and they all shamed me telling me that I had toxic mindset.
I agree with you, it’s not necessarily insulting depending on the context. Plenty of heterosexual women don’t “need” men in the traditional sense—they earn their own money and live happy independent lives. It doesn’t mean they don’t want a man or aren’t happy with and love the men who are in their lives.
What other people think is not important. How does your husband feel?
It all depends on the context in which you use those words.
Women no longer 'need' men, to give them stability, a home, money etc. Women can be independent and love the man they are with. Big difference, thankfully.
SW-User
I'd rather want someone than need them. To be needy is clingy and toxic; smothering in fact.
Idk but to reverse the situation , if my husband told everyone he doesn’t need a woman while I am with him....then I might as well leave with someone who does. Its offensive
My ex did almost exactly that - from the instant she found out she was pregnant with our daughter in late 2016 or early 2017 she decided I was no longer required. She told all her friends she was pregnant many weeks before she told me.
Now she's in a relationship with a former high school friend who is also 'single', so work that one out.
@zonavar68 Well I'm not sure exactly what that has to do with my question because I would never want to harm my husband and I am happy with him but I'm sorry you had to go through that
Those poll options are unfortunately rather limited. I don't think it's wrong but I don't think it insults the male partner. I think the statement is self explanatory. You don't NEED a man and you'd be okay if you weren't married but that doesn't mean you don't love and want to be with your Husband.
@Redstar My take exactly. My husband dosen't help me financially and never has. He hasn't worked in 8 years. He is occasionally handy around our property and I appreciate it and I know that men are more than finances but I've done everything solo so thats what I meant.
@Tracos I have first-hand experience of feeling 'used' by my ex because she 'needed' me (to get a child that she desperately wanted) but in reality never 'wanted' me.
@zonavar68 I want to say that your situation sounds very hurtful and terrible but her behaviour was bad no matter what her beliefs were it's not OK to use someone especially not to bring a child into this world and it has nothing to do with women who might feel that they don't need a man
On the surface, this may seem insulting, so I can see why it caused an uproar. On the other hand, you clearly love your partner, whether you feel you “need” him or not.
@stound I don't know if it would feel great to hear it but if he had led the life that I have I honestly wouldn't have any choice but to accept it as the truth
Neither of you "need" each other in order to be happy. You can each do that on your own. You CHOOSE to be together, which makes you both happier than you were before.
To many people when they hear the phrase "I don't need a man " it has echoes of extreme feminist propaganda in the statement and is often said by single moms to indicate that they raised their child perfectly fine alone when in actuality a father is necessary in a child's life. So my family took issue that I as a married woman would utter such a damaging statement in their mind and a statement which indicates to the world that men are no longer needed in society but this is not what I meant.
Nobody with any intelligence does. But unfortunately that particular stereotype is one of the many ways racism works against us, even intra-racially, as it’s the excuse some black men have given for looking elsewhere.
I believe in a misunderstood and a tired black woman.
Heartbreaking but you are absolutely right. And society will never see it for what it is. Black women extremely caring and and giving but you can only give so much when all people do is take.
Wow you've got it all wrong for my side. I was making the statement in acknowledgment that I have achieved a lot and I've had to do it by myself for the most part and so I don't see how I could say that I needed a man because I had to do everything without one so that's what I was referring to was more or less. Getting somewhere in life and my achievements it was no slight towards men who are very equally necessary in societies overall. Some women need a man to survive in the world or some people think that they do.