My husband gives himself an incredibly hard time over his mistakes.
His mother and maternal uncle were tyrannical in their expectations of perfect behaviour - and since he had ADD (probably ADHD when young) and they didn't know it - he was constantly making mistakes over which he had zero neurological capacity for control.
The result was that they came down hard on him every time. He grew up to have very low self-esteem and high levels of self doubt. He can put his foot down hard on things that matter deeply to him - but most of the time he flounders over the most minute of decisions, terrified of making mistakes because of the crushing effect when he judges himself harshly. He has internalised his early caregivers' attitudes.
I'm trying to get him to understand that mistakes don't usually matter because most are easily corrected; they are events that can be embraced with enthusiasm as opportunities to learn.
