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What books can i read to help work on my emotions?

When i say 'yes', i mean 'yes and when i say 'no', i mean 'no'. But so far, this attitude has caused me so much pain. I say yes and get into whatever it is with all my heart and strength and expect the same level of commitment but i always get disappointed. I get hurt and i feel the pain deeply and for too long. Can someone advise on any books i can read to help me work on myself before i get consumed by my emotions? People have taken advantage of it for too long.
I'm sure there are lots of books on the subject of helping you deal with your emotions. My experience of those is, they all suggest the same basic thread; first and foremost, be true to yourself. Don't stop saying yes when you mean yes, and no when you mean no. Expecting the same level of commitment from others, will always be disappointing. Some people may learn that kind of commitment to themselves by way of seeing your commitment to YOU, but there's nothing you can do about the ones who don't, and may never be willing to be being authentic, with themselves or anyone else.

The only relationship you have, is the one you have with YOU, and then, share with other people. Just work on that one, and don't expect the fairness of your authenticity to be reciprocated. It's just unrealistic.

"Expecting the world to be fair with you because you were fair with it, is like expecting the lion to not eat you because you didn't eat him."

On the topic of having your emotions rather than your emotions having YOU, it sounds as though there were some survival strategies built somewhere along the line, to protect you from perceived threats. Being consumed by your emotions may be an indicator those strategies are still active and just don't want to go offline. Much of it is just habit.

There are plenty of exercises to help you see what your triggers are about and where they're coming from, and the underlying causes of those patterns recurring. Rather than perusing the bookshelves for answers, you may want to try a counseling session or two. Somehow, I don't think it would take too many to get you on a customized program of processes and exercises leading you out of your past and into your present. You seem very capable.

Whatever path you choose in resolving these issues, good luck.
Fernie · F
The first thing you might do is lower your expectations of others...then there'll be much less disappointment.
MaryN · 36-40, F
@Fernie I will try, guess i trust too much
Fernie · F
@MaryN keep trying...save yourself the pain.
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
I believe in the same kind of integrity to ones self.
It might be that you've dealt with immature people or people who have trouble communicating as strongly as you, so perhaps it's intimidating to them while it would be refreshing to you if reciprocated.
I commend that btw.

I take the same attitude after being naive in the past as well.
MaryN · 36-40, F
I just love it when people are honest and straightforward. Things are always easier when you straighten them out from the onset. But some people will want to keep dragging you along even when they know they have no destination.
Ryannnnnn · 31-35, M
@MaryN Yeah those people tend to not respect others in that way, or recognise that they are in fact being disrespectful or irresponsible.
It's like If you have power in the relationship then they feel they have none, when it's supposed to be two people negotiating equally and compromising. It's just the wrong approach entirely.
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SW-User
To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee.

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view … Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.”
MaryN · 36-40, F
@SW-User Thanks, will look that up
swandfriends · 41-45, F
Just go with your instincts. If you don't feel like doing something, there's a reason for it
MaryN · 36-40, F
@swandfriends Yea i follow my instinct without looking back, but the problem is that sometimes i get hurt along the line and i feel the pain too deeply. Just wish there's something i can do to reduce the pain i feel before i become hypertensive
Ronihotchocolate · 26-30, M
Heartfelt by Cyrus Merchant

Everything will be alright keep faith on Yes.
MaryN · 36-40, F
@Ronihotchocolate Thanks! Will look it up.

 
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