I know it and you know I'm never going to be able to be clean.

How many times have I tried? How many times was I actually successful? How long was it until I relapsed for the millionth time? I'd be lying to myself and everyone else if I said it were entirely possible to become entirely clean. Perhaps I'm insane but I'm at peace with this. I've mulled it over and I'm ok knowing the outcome. Maybe everyone was right about my brain being fried/gone.

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Lostpoet · M

it takes like five years of sobriety for the average user's mind to go back to normal. Don't beat yourself up it's one of those things that you have to be proud of yourself if at the end of the day you can say, I didn't use.