Do you get frustrated in therapy?

I go over many anxieties and fears that are making my life very small. I feel hopeless and hanging by a thread, and have shared that fact too. When discussing traumas and subsequent fears that hold me back, because the therapist mainly just nods, I am always the one to try to find any healing tips or challenge my fear out loud. And I'm thinking, isn't my therapist supposed to challenge my thoughts at least sometimes??? I am there for input too, besides just sharing my fears or issues.

They did say to keep doing positive things I enjoy, but it's a Very blanketed statement. I really need some more reflection on my issues than only one line.
Do you ever feel that way?

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WillaKissing · 56-60, M

Mine is quite different from yours where I was more physically beaten bloody as punishment as a child coupled with verbal abuse, and where I differ is it made me a very aggressive person. Inner city street gang fists fights from 1970 to 1974 before my parents moved us to the country. I played on the offensive and defensive line in high school in American football (Though undersized for the position) and became a state wrestling champion. I also was able to physically stop the beatings when I was 16 years old though the verbal never ceased. Then I went into the Army as a career for 27 years and the aggression grew with training and real-life combat seeing life taken and taking life in horrible ways even in hand-to-hand fighting.

So, I cross dress to cover the blood site smells tastes and visions when I look at myself in the mirror and to change into a non-threat weapon visibly (Though all the skills remain), to become soft and pretty (And definitely not for any sexual reasons at all)!!!

I need de-escalation and positive outlets for the war machine built into me. And my therapist cares and is an excellent source of help. She understands though never being where I have been.

I wished I could give you a fraction of my aggressiveness to help you come out of that shell. So, I do not know what to advise you to do.

Sorry.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@WillaKissing It's a lot of trauma you have been through too. Just more than should ever be in a person life, I'm sorry you went through all of it Willa🙁. 🌹
On the opposite side for me I had to suppress all human emotions, happiness, anger, sadness, anything. If I did speak up at all things got physical and I was very frightened so I had to shut down . I think I need to learn some aggression like you said because in truth, it's needed at some point of life. Being a squashed invisible thing is getting me nowhere. I appreciate your words Willa, thank you 🦋

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Coralmist Thank you Coral. Yes, you know a lot more than most care to about my life and I thank you.

I was in my niche, and I had a focus for my aggression in school and 27 years post high school. But once retired and a civilian again there were no more bad guys, evil to well kill or capture and no more working out and training. Hell, why I was retired was medically having a spinal injury and both shoulders damaged in action. Two separate surgeries not to be paralyzed from the waist down and two rights should and one left shoulder complete reconstructions. In toll it took nine and half years to get through it all surgery and physical therapy wise while moved to being retired and raising a son and daughter on my own. My kids were my saviors, but I had the rage war monster always inside of me, Now I have it on its leash.

I loved serving and could not have been of any use in any other profession so that was my honor to do.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@WillaKissing How are your shoulders now?? That is a lot of physical trauma. I can't believe my shoulder is hurting two hours after getting something in a cabinet. I've never had shoulder issues and now this lingering pain??? Very odd.

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Coralmist My shoulders are okay. The left one is wearing out and I was told at age 60 that if it goes, I will get a shoulder joint replacement instead of a reconstruction surgery the same with the right shoulder and my left knee. So, I just hang in there as long as God will allow me too before any more cutting.

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Coralmist Girl we are getting older, and stuff just happens for no damned reason at all. LOL

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@WillaKissing That's true sometimes I'll just get up and my leg will hurt for no reason. But this feels as if someone twisted me around or as if something hit it hard..that's strange for just reaching up one shelf🫨 Fingers crossed this eases up overnight.
And fingers crossed you don't need the replacement 🌻

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Coralmist Aleve or advil before you go to bed to allow the sore area to relax/heal a bit.

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@WillaKissing Good idea, I rarely take meds but I just literally yelled out in pain one minute ago moving it an INCH. Thanks friend 🪻

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@WillaKissing And I meant to add before, thank you for your service Willa🦅🇺🇸

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Coralmist You are quite welcome, my pleasure to have served!

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@Coralmist Hey during you awake hours place a frozen bad of vegetables on the sore shoulder, when they warm up place back in thr freezer and grab another frozen vegy bag!

Coralmist · 41-45, F

@WillaKissing Thanks appreciate that. 🍁

kodiac · 22-25, M

@WillaKissing Thank you for serving ,putting your life and sanity on the line so the rest of us could sleep peacefuly in our beds . I admire your ability to function while somewhere deep inside you're still at war.

WillaKissing · 56-60, M

@kodiac Thank you.
My therapist says all war veterans remain at war inside themselves, All of us, but it is how we find ways to deescalate and refocus/apply those thoughts/memories and energies into something positive and useful and joyful for us is how we survive it. And I do.

Thank you very much.