I had a really bad suicidal thought last night

It was around 5:20 am ish, I'm not going to lie, it was after I pleasured myself which I usually do before bed, and suddenly I was hit with this total clarity at how much everything sucks and feels the same. So after brushing my teeth I was going to do my mouthwash and I had this strong urge to down what was left in the bottle. I obviously didn't end up doing it but just realizing I was so close kind of frightened me a lot. I stayed up a little extra after that to watch a YouTube video which helped.

I'm not sure what I want from this post, but I guess I kind of just needed to get it out there.