I had a really bad suicidal thought last night

It was around 5:20 am ish, I'm not going to lie, it was after I pleasured myself which I usually do before bed, and suddenly I was hit with this total clarity at how much everything sucks and feels the same. So after brushing my teeth I was going to do my mouthwash and I had this strong urge to down what was left in the bottle. I obviously didn't end up doing it but just realizing I was so close kind of frightened me a lot. I stayed up a little extra after that to watch a YouTube video which helped.

I'm not sure what I want from this post, but I guess I kind of just needed to get it out there.

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Ferise1 · 46-50, M

Maybe you should stop “pleasuring” yourself

HorrorandMusic · 26-30, F

@Ferise1 I didn’t share this to get moralized.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HorrorandMusic obviously it’s not working for you dummy

HorrorandMusic · 26-30, F

@Ferise1 I don’t have a lot that makes me feel good. For five minutes, I can forget how miserable I am.

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HorrorandMusic · 26-30, F

@Ferise1 Who knows, maybe.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HorrorandMusic went on nofap, abstaining as long as I could and I became a lot more solid and happy

HoeBag · 46-50, F

@HorrorandMusic Self pleasure has no harmful effects other than we might need a nap after.

There is this camp of people who think it is harmful but no, it really isn't. Aside the risk of carpal tunnel. 😄

But for feeling empty in life, yeah we sometimes need to re-assess our lives and figure out what we would like to do. It can take a while to figure out.

I would like to advise this - when we find a dream or something we enjoy, it is usually best to keep it to ourselves OR share only with like-minded people.

Otherwise you get all these people saying "You can't do that." or other discouragements.

One thing also - some people want to "end it all" early because life seems bad or unfulfilling. The problem is - this life will be over soon enough, no need to rush it.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HoeBag it literally makes her suicidal mate

HorrorandMusic · 26-30, F

@Ferise1 I wouldn't say literally or at all, I don't really know either way.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HorrorandMusic

was after I pleasured myself which I usually do before bed, and suddenly I was hit w

HorrorandMusic · 26-30, F

@Ferise1 I feel like that's confirmation bias on your part since you already don't like it.

Ferise1 · 46-50, M

@HorrorandMusic i’m literally going by what you said. I literally just quoted you…

HorrorandMusic · 26-30, F

@Ferise1 No I didn't say it was because of that, I was just explaining the whole situation and what my mindset was and what I was doing. I'm autistic so I have to explain every detail.