Anxiety is back

I feel like my parents never realized I was unsuitable for life. They assumed that I was a totally normal person and that I was going to be able to make a living just fine, like everyone else. They passed away several years ago, and that's a blessing because they never fully grasped what a complete failure I ended up, professionally, financially and personally.

Anxiety consumes me. I have no friends because I cannot trust anyone. I perceive everything and everyone around me as hostile. I'm 60, 5 years away from "retirement", and have nothing to show for it. I was unable to save one dirty cent not because I had vices, or because I was irresponsible with my finances, but for the simple reason that I'm unable to be productive and make money beyond what's needed for basic needs.

Anxiety (particularly social anxiety) has always held me back, every job I've had was underpaid, and I've been unable to master the "professional networking" that is supposed to be the key to success, as it's all about making friends in the right places.

Oddly, for most of my life I also *thought* I was a completely normal person, and it just dawned on me that I just cannot function in society like everyone else.

Currently I'm barely able to get by, but as a computer programmer by trade, my skills are already obsolete because of AI, and I'm in no position to spend money "upgrading my skills" (whatever that would be, I don't even know at this point).

I will be interesting to live as a homeless person in my 70s, if I survive that long (hopefully I bite the dust before I'm 65).

Just venting, I find that sometimes writing down my thoughts helps with anxiety (although it isn't working at the moment).