4:35am why would I need sleep?

see a doctor

Sorry you are having a difficult time right now. I hope the valerian root helped

I can relate and hear the anxiety in your voice. My doctor put me on Zoloft but have found meditation, self care and finding a spiritual path have helped me the most. As for sleep, I just slept when I could but never felt rested. Talking helps, especially reliving the good times.

Try Melatonin.

My thoughts too. I had to overcome a major anxiety problem which occurred 35 years into a life and death career. Couldn’t velieve how it affected me. But I’d seen several colleagues go the sane way trying to keep it all going in that environment post 56.
I can only give my own remedies.
Acute. - box breathing. , this ( talking therapy) Realise others have been there and fully recovered Rub one side of your neck only one at the angle of the jaw to maximise your parasympathetic system.
Longer tern. Exercise exercise exercise. Depleted adrenaline and cortisol and releases more dopamine and endogenous opiates than anything else. Build up to really quite high orange zone heart rates. Depletes anxiety and trains parasympathetic.

In my case I was back taking full strain far earlier than medicated colleagues and have never faltered since.

That was acute stress.
You are also sounding profoundly bereaved.
Talking helps but time helps most of all.

Psychologists suggests it takes about a month for every year you were married before you start to return to the new normal.

I have a different way of getting to sleep....but it's legal here:)

Sorry your going thru this

I was wondering what you were doing awake at this hour your time. If talking helps, keep talking & writing. We're here & can listen.

i heard tea nor coffee hydrates you

10 42 wednesday night here,oops i was wrong

I do wish I could say I know how you feel, but I can`t. All I can do is send you comforting thoughts. 💜