this time last year i kept making jokes about how id have the best october of my life bc i was single, & both times id been cheated on had been in oct

That's harsh. I'm always conscious of the fact that loss and/or ill health can come at any time and that's because I've experienced plenty of both. I think that the experiences have given me better foresight though, so that's one good outcome at least.

I'm sorry for your loss.