Why do relatives lie to each other's face? Why do they even bother with false pretense?

These are people that they're kind of obligated to see over and over and over again, so if the relationship between them was strained in any way, it would just make it that much more miserable having to deal with them.

You can quit jobs, you can quit friendships, but it's a lot harder to quit family. It's typically a permanent decision. So people lie in order to preserve the peace and avoid unwanted confrontation.

I'm not saying it's right, but most people lack the mental and emotional maturity to hear someone else's unfiltered opinions. Their instinct to reject and retaliate overwhelms their capacity to listen and understand. On a deep level, we all understand that people aren't really ready to see and hear the real us, at least until a level of trust is established.

It's the main reason I'm estranged from my own family. They never cared enough to actually listen

Being polite vs no filter. ⚖️🤔

In some cases, we pity their isolation and their need for us and for their visiting their own grandchildren, and allow ourselves to be guilted and manipulated.