I Have Anxiety

I've been having panic attacks about doing my taxes (due April 30th here in Canada). I shouldn't be worried about this, my income last year was less than the year before so I should have less taxes to pay (I'm self employed). All I have to do is get the numbers (income, expenses, etc) and take it to an accountant and they'll figure it out. But just the thought of logging to my bank account and crunching all those numbers, adding the income/expenses for every month, is giving me a panic attack (I'm hyperventilating right now just thinking about it). Forms, financial and government stuff give me anxiety (perhaps is part of my social anxiety, fear of being judged -- and screwed up -- by some anonymous, random authority). I have some anxiety pills that my doctor prescribed me early last year "in case my anxiety got really bad", Lorazepam, but he warned these can be addictive and I should be careful with them. So I've never taken them to this day. I'm thinking I perhaps should take them now, but the very thought that they might make things worse (I may end addicted, and besides the side effects include getting "sleepy" so I may end up unable to function, worse than now) is in itself making me anxious. I have no idea what to do other than wait for the anxiety to magically "end".
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contrails · 56-60, M

Thank you all for the feedback and advise yesterday, it helped a lot... I crunched all the income numbers and there were no surprises, so that was a relief... I finished that by 9 PM with a headache so didn't crunch all numbers (I've got to add up all expenses, too...) I found last year's spreadsheet with all that, so now I have a good template (last year I did all from scratch)... It's a lot of numbers, time consuming, but the anxiety today is a fraction of what it was yesterday... Just had a thick double espresso so my brain doesn't end up tired and overwhelmed with so many numbers... Oddly, coffee has never made my anxiety worse, but the other way around... I think it's because it helps to keep me sharp and focused, and that helps my self-confidence, makes me feel I can "get things done"... I've thought about it and I think that part of my anxiety is that I'm so overwhelmed with work, working 7 days a week, that I fear I won't be able to do all the things I have to do... (like, my taxes, which is above and beyond work of course...)

Anyway, just wanted to say thank you for your time and your words, so you know they were very useful and appreciated...! Logging off now, to finish that up...
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