I Have Anxiety

I've been having panic attacks about doing my taxes (due April 30th here in Canada). I shouldn't be worried about this, my income last year was less than the year before so I should have less taxes to pay (I'm self employed). All I have to do is get the numbers (income, expenses, etc) and take it to an accountant and they'll figure it out. But just the thought of logging to my bank account and crunching all those numbers, adding the income/expenses for every month, is giving me a panic attack (I'm hyperventilating right now just thinking about it). Forms, financial and government stuff give me anxiety (perhaps is part of my social anxiety, fear of being judged -- and screwed up -- by some anonymous, random authority). I have some anxiety pills that my doctor prescribed me early last year "in case my anxiety got really bad", Lorazepam, but he warned these can be addictive and I should be careful with them. So I've never taken them to this day. I'm thinking I perhaps should take them now, but the very thought that they might make things worse (I may end addicted, and besides the side effects include getting "sleepy" so I may end up unable to function, worse than now) is in itself making me anxious. I have no idea what to do other than wait for the anxiety to magically "end".
😭

Zygote404 · 51-55, M

I have the same problem - it is essentially a disabling illness.

It is unfortunately largely unrecognized as such.

I started the process of doing my divorce settlement 2 years ago. Still have not lodged.

I recommend trying to get a close friend or family member to help push you to get things done. I don't have either so I'm stuck but hopefully you do.

contrails · 56-60, M

@Zygote404 Oh I'm stuck too... I don't have much of a social life, and I guess that fuels the anxiety, the awareness that I'm on my own and no one will help me out if things get tough... A few weeks ago I made a huge effort to re-connect with a cousin I hadn't talk to in years, we agree to meet for lunch, but it backfired, I felt he really didn't want to be there listening to me, his mind was somewhere else, he didn't talked about his life either, I didn't want the conversation to be "all about myself" but he just listened to me and I could sense he was sorting of looking down on me, like thinking "this guy is such a loser". I felt worse after we met...

Zygote404 · 51-55, M

@contrails Yeah because people don't understand - they get anxiety but its usually mild and fleeting. Mine is severe and never goes away - likely yours is too.