Misunderstandings.

@Conscience: Yeah we soon learn limits with people. Some people are damaging, the fact that they are sometimes family doesn't mean that we need to stick around and be damaged more. I think you made the right decision.

@Kuronekko: Thank you. They say they love me unconditionally because I'm family. That's why they wanted to see me again. But they don't act like they love me, they really don't. If the way they treated me was love, then I don't want that love. It's too painful. I'm sorry if that upsets them, but no one has hurt me as much as they have. It's shocking that I'm still here today because they pushed me to a place so dark, I really shouldn't be.

@Conscience: I hope you can make peace with it all for your sake one day.

Well, you may be right, you may accomplish nothing and may open yourself up to more abuse....however, sometimes, as people get older, they tend to want to close the gaps and/or make peace with others. At least if things don't work out, at least you tried to communicate and make things better, it will be them that closed the door on you. so you need not feel guilty about it or feel that you failed.

@IM5688: I don't think they'll ever change, I don't, but you're right. Time may have made them want to fix things. I guess it's up to me to forgive them enough to give them that chance. I guess it's just hard. When people have treated you like shit your whole life. It's hard to forgive and forget. Maybe I'll write them a letter or something, but I'm too scared to go see them. I'm just too scared. They're the meanest people I've ever known.

OK, that's another alternative. I would suggest writing to each one separately, just in case one of them ignores it or tosses it, the others will still know that you tried to communicate. Also, their meanness may have mellowed or may be mellowed with your letter. as far as forgiving and forgetting, One never forgets mistreatment but forgiving, although never easy to do, makes you a better person.

It's a long story, but my family isn't a healthy one. They're the type to abuse you, call you a psycho, call you useless, lock you up in a psych ward, attack you after you ask for help, etc. Despite all that, they'll say they love me because I'm family. It's unconditional for them. Every day I spent with them was nothing but conflict, there's nothing we can agree on, but they still insist they love me all the same.

@Conscience: I'm sure they do love you. They may be crazy and dysfunctional and it sounds like you are making the right choice. They themselves need to make changes to be healthier too. It sounds as though you are trying. I'm sorry.

@TwiddlerOfThumbs: Thanks. Not all families can work things out. That's like forcing some random people together and expecting things to work. People have limits on what they can compromise and not everyone will get along. That's just how it is. At least some of you seem to understand that. I appreciate it.

I know that problem. Criticism seems to be a very family thing. I guess they think it's okay because they're family.

Just as the saying goes.. "Sometimes family can treat you worse than a stranger on the street".

@Conscience: Oh well I was serious lol.

@Boysome: Well now you know. I do take the time to understand others.

@Conscience: Well thanks for your time i guess lol :p .

Shay! I often miss talking with you, but those thoughts always have a lot of pain attached to them. Sometimes I think about what happened and it affects me so deeply I have to stop whatever I'm doing to take a minute to myself. Sometimes Payne gets angry because we know how much it doesn't affect you. You remember that example I gave you to help you understand? How you would have hated me? Well part of me, Payne, gets that way. Even though we aren't even in a relationship of any kind anymore. I still have such a bleeding heart for you. That's why I limited myself to only hearts and occasional conversations here and there. I'm working through it. Just an update. ❤️

I know sterling it's ok! Do whatever you have to do to feel better. I hate it when you hurt. I really do. Know that I'm thinking about you ❤️@Conscience: