Unnerved and Exhausted

I almost completely hate myself for what I've done. Getting fired was not on this year's bingo card. Now I have not only lost my source of income, but my resource for health and dental insurance. And a great big chunk of my dignity.
I still signed up to do a partial program at a local hospital. I have done it before, and I found it very helpful. I'm going to have to be sober for real now. I write this, violently high. As I do everything else. It will need to be a major adjustment for me.