I'm doing my best to stay strong
But every now & then a few tears start falling & then I get it back together & carry on like nothing happened. I hope I'm being strong because lately it feels like I'm just trying not to break
Dainbramadge · 56-60, M
Dang brother. This pains me to read , in a " I feel for you" kind of way.
I'm probably going to blow this but go big or go home right?
Dude when I was going through my divorce after only 10 short years, I had a lot of mixed feelings. Now remember that a break up like this is often likened to an actual death only worse.
You feel the loss but it is coupled with rejection. So this isn't just a crush dumping you. This really dose carry real weight.
Maybe by trying to stay strong your actually denying yourself the chance to morn your loss.
It was more than just a girlfriend you shared something very special with her.
Remember there is a difference with keeping up appearances and trying to fool yourself.
Now I think everyone is aware I am an atheist. But I have read the Bible and have found a lot of wisdom and comfort in the word.
One thing, funny it came from a ex-girlfriend, that held the most weight for me was the phrase
"This to shall pass".
At first I felt it to be a little dismissive. I mean at it's root it simply says "You'll live". LOL
But it is more than just that. It's a way to allow yourself to grieve the loss with understanding that, even though it feels like you won't ever recover, you will and have before. You have suffered some very real and painful things in your life.
At the time it, they, hurt you to your sole. But for reason.
If you didn't struggle with the pain then that would mean it didn't mean as much to you as you thought.
You need to allow yourself time to honer what you put into the relationship and what it meant to you and give yourself permission to feel sad. It doesn't make you weak to have a heart and sole.
The problem with having those two things is we feel.
We feel love and loyalty and hurt and grief.
So brother keep sharing your heart because it is pure and rare.
It is something to be treasured not ignored.
Hope this helps and if not I hope you giggled. LOL
I'm probably going to blow this but go big or go home right?
Dude when I was going through my divorce after only 10 short years, I had a lot of mixed feelings. Now remember that a break up like this is often likened to an actual death only worse.
You feel the loss but it is coupled with rejection. So this isn't just a crush dumping you. This really dose carry real weight.
Maybe by trying to stay strong your actually denying yourself the chance to morn your loss.
It was more than just a girlfriend you shared something very special with her.
Remember there is a difference with keeping up appearances and trying to fool yourself.
Now I think everyone is aware I am an atheist. But I have read the Bible and have found a lot of wisdom and comfort in the word.
One thing, funny it came from a ex-girlfriend, that held the most weight for me was the phrase
"This to shall pass".
At first I felt it to be a little dismissive. I mean at it's root it simply says "You'll live". LOL
But it is more than just that. It's a way to allow yourself to grieve the loss with understanding that, even though it feels like you won't ever recover, you will and have before. You have suffered some very real and painful things in your life.
At the time it, they, hurt you to your sole. But for reason.
If you didn't struggle with the pain then that would mean it didn't mean as much to you as you thought.
You need to allow yourself time to honer what you put into the relationship and what it meant to you and give yourself permission to feel sad. It doesn't make you weak to have a heart and sole.
The problem with having those two things is we feel.
We feel love and loyalty and hurt and grief.
So brother keep sharing your heart because it is pure and rare.
It is something to be treasured not ignored.
Hope this helps and if not I hope you giggled. LOL
ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@Dainbramadge yeah you always get it man. I really appreciate you. What's crazy is these things felt a lot harder in past relationships, I assume because I wasn't as emotionally mature. Plus I drank a lot so I know that didn't help. I dwelled in sadness too much & I feel like I'm handling all this a lot better for once. It's easier to get through & I know I can but I at the same time I can tell it hurts more than any other time. There was so much more into it & so much more that I lost. I'm not even home anymore & I miss putting my kid to bed every night, just a lot of things. I didn't just lose her I lost my home & the life we were planning for. I'm still happy when I have my kid but sometimes it hits me that we can't raise her together in the same place anymore & it sucks. I can't help but feel alone now because I still wanna raise my kid but I've never done this before & now I don't have my partner by my side.
I'm thinking the best I can do is focus on goals. Getting my own place is #1 now. We still have a lease together & at first I was willing to still pay half or at least help on rent just to be nice & help her but the way she's acted towards me has changed my mind. I'll buy anything for our kid but if she wants the apartment she can have it & pay for it herself. Helps me focus on getting my own place anyway. It sucks that I gotta do it alone but at least I'll have my kid half the time. I know I can do this but everything about this just sucks. All my expectations of the future are shattered & I don't know what's to come anymore
I'm thinking the best I can do is focus on goals. Getting my own place is #1 now. We still have a lease together & at first I was willing to still pay half or at least help on rent just to be nice & help her but the way she's acted towards me has changed my mind. I'll buy anything for our kid but if she wants the apartment she can have it & pay for it herself. Helps me focus on getting my own place anyway. It sucks that I gotta do it alone but at least I'll have my kid half the time. I know I can do this but everything about this just sucks. All my expectations of the future are shattered & I don't know what's to come anymore
Mordechai · 31-35, M
I'm sorry dude 😔 for one you are being strong, it doesn't mean not having feelings or not being phased, its carrying on, it's something we cultivate over time. If you need to feel something then feel it, it's better to let it out even if it's painful.
The Emotions we don't like aren't bad, they're telling us we need to pay attention to them, process them, let them out. It's grief, it comes in waves when your mind and body feels like you'll be able to handle it, the minds always protecting us like that.
You sound determined
The Emotions we don't like aren't bad, they're telling us we need to pay attention to them, process them, let them out. It's grief, it comes in waves when your mind and body feels like you'll be able to handle it, the minds always protecting us like that.
You sound determined
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ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@Mordechai your words do help, thank you man. For some reason I still fight my tears even if I'm alone. I do my best not to just start breaking down. Sometimes I even gotta walk away from whatever I'm doing & focus on something else. It does kinda feel like I'm not letting myself feel the hard stuff enough. I'm hoping it doesn't catch up to me. I used to tell people you can't ghost your feelings because they'll come back to haunt you. I'm trying to remember that. Sometimes I don't know how to let things out. It's like I don't even know where to start.
I used to go running & playing music when I felt upset. That does really help. Right now I'm not sure what I'm doing to help myself when I feel worse. I should figure something out.
I used to go running & playing music when I felt upset. That does really help. Right now I'm not sure what I'm doing to help myself when I feel worse. I should figure something out.
Mordechai · 31-35, M
@ChiefJustWalks I get it man, it's like once it comes out it's gonna be too much. I remember being like that in work, pretty much everywhere I went it'd just appear all of a sudden and feel like a dam that was gonna crack open if I let it. It will come out when you're ready man, it's not something that follows a formula, be kind and patient to yourself.
There's gonna be good days and tough days but you will come out of the other side of it and it won't feel like this even if you can't imagine it rn. Yeah good to have a plan even if it's a couple things that get you out of the house or maybe seeing a therapist once or twice a month, or just when you feel you need it.
There's gonna be good days and tough days but you will come out of the other side of it and it won't feel like this even if you can't imagine it rn. Yeah good to have a plan even if it's a couple things that get you out of the house or maybe seeing a therapist once or twice a month, or just when you feel you need it.
ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@Mordechai yeah sounds like you're familiar with the feeling. It's embarrassing when it hits you when you're around a lot of people. I find my eyes watering up & then I gotta quickly think of something else or get focused on something before any tears start falling.
I have considered trying therapy again. I never did individual therapy, only couples counseling. I wish I tried switching therapists with that instead of quitting. I've gone on a few walks in the evening lately & those have been relaxing. I even brought a skateboard with me the last 2 days & cruised all over the park nearby. I found out they built new parks, sidewalks, & fields there so I plan to bring my daughter
I have considered trying therapy again. I never did individual therapy, only couples counseling. I wish I tried switching therapists with that instead of quitting. I've gone on a few walks in the evening lately & those have been relaxing. I even brought a skateboard with me the last 2 days & cruised all over the park nearby. I found out they built new parks, sidewalks, & fields there so I plan to bring my daughter
SatanBurger · 36-40, F
Not saying you're doing this but just a thought, being strong doesn't mean you ignore every other emotion, it's normal to feel on the edge of breaking. The important thing is that you acknowledge it but not identify with it and also allowing yourself to feel whatever. It's okay to feel what you feel, you're strong.
ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@SatanBurger thank you. You're right. I appreciate that reminder. I'm doing okay at not dwelling in the negative but some moments are definitely harder than others
YoMomma ·
😐 you didn't fail anything. It takes two willing people to stay in a relationship and i think you were both previously staying together for other reasons besides wanting to be together anyway? 😐 it still hurts tho to break up when you care tho..
Assuming that this is what this is about? 😐 it hurts now but you will be better off finding and being with someone who actually wants to be with you and you with them.. which may or may not be her in the future.. sometimes people change and get back together .. idk if you even want that, but i have heard of it happening to other people.. not everyone tho of course.. some move on..
Sorry for your loss tho (of your relationship) 🤐
Assuming that this is what this is about? 😐 it hurts now but you will be better off finding and being with someone who actually wants to be with you and you with them.. which may or may not be her in the future.. sometimes people change and get back together .. idk if you even want that, but i have heard of it happening to other people.. not everyone tho of course.. some move on..
Sorry for your loss tho (of your relationship) 🤐
moonlightlullaby · 46-50, F
ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@moonlightlullaby that goes a long way 🤗 thank you
bijouxbroussard · F
ChiefJustWalks · 26-30
@bijouxbroussard I just wish things didn't have to be this way. I thought I could save it before it was too late & I feel like I failed