I’m a very kind positive person.

However the second I feel threatened I turn into something I’m not and I can’t control myself and will say the most cut throat things even a demon inside a monsters body couldn’t conjure the levels of rage and hatred I feel.

I don’t understand where it comes from, I go 0 to 60 and it hits me as sudden as car accident and I act upon the violent impulses and urges to inflict harm on those I feel wronged me.

In person an argument or something as small as a disagreement won’t last long because it totally shakes my world and I’m the first to start swinging.

When I’m in these mind frames I cannot be reasoned nor rationalized with I just want to fight and will say ANYTHING to get the fight kicked off.

If somebody gives me a dirty look it’s something that sends me off the deep end and it’s not that big of a deal I know. But ti me it is and I can help it.

If I catch you staring at me I’m gonna wave to break the awkward tension I feel you’ve created for us both, if you look at me like I’m the weird one or give me a dirty look I’ll sound off!

I have been trying to get this under control as it’s not something I’m proud of, I don’t know if it’s anger or insecurity that gets me like that but I HATE IT!

Any advice on how to not be that person? I’m normally kind and chipper I don’t care for drama or arguments, I just don’t know where that bad person comes from.

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CardiacKintsugi · 61-69, F

trying to learn the same thing. I have been told to take a deep in breath, count 4, release to a measured slow count before replying. It's a work in progress, and i'm practicing. It's getting better most of the time.

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Sleepysheep · 26-30, M

@OogieBoogie I do have quite a bit of stress so this is good to know, the pressing the pressure points thing doesn’t work for me.

I have heart and problems and have to take inhalers, so I hit the treadmill because I heard it help with breathing and your heart!

I feel like death when I’m on the treadmill but I notice some improvements with my breathing, but for something called “cardio” it hurts your heart so bad! 😂

OogieBoogie · F

@Sleepysheep that's brilliant.l!
It's all coming out now in medical research, how important exercise is for mental health .

Good for you..
...even if you feel you are dying att😂

Sleepysheep · 26-30, M

@OogieBoogie haha I look like a TRAIN WRECK warmed over when I exercise that’s why I prefer the treadmill at home! 🤣

After 10 seconds of not even running but pacing you’d think somebody was trying to start an old shitty diesel truck!

By 20 seconds I’m sweating and almost passing out wheezing away like a broken flute! 🤣😂

I do this for an hour to an hour and a half on the treadmill! It’s agony but you get more used to it lol

I’m a slim person so the knees and ankles always feel like they are gonna bust right off of my legs!

I do feel better about myself when I keep in shape it makes me feel accomplished! 😁

It’s just not a pretty sight to see me dying on a row machine 🤣

Nevaeh0081 · 36-40, F

You and me both.

Waiting for some comments.

Cause your post totally applies to me.

Sleepysheep · 26-30, M

@Nevaeh0081 see I was hoping to find someone who’s experiencing this too, my hope is that I can handle future negative comments with less aggression.

Spoiledbrat · F

Maybe you're too kind or nice or don't feel like people get you so you have bottled up feelings.

OogieBoogie · F

Its insecurity .

Chill out.

You dont have to MAKE everyone believe what you believe.

Just coz youre right, you dont have to prove it.

Let it go .

Feel calm within yourself. You dont have to react to everyone's fucked upped-ness - let it slide .☮

Sleepysheep · 26-30, M

@OogieBoogie you could be right I was bullied quite a bit and I’m not the sharpest butter knife in the drawer.

Deep down I do seek approval because I’m from a less than pleasant upbringing and didn’t succumb to the same pattern of failure.

I wanted more for myself and wanted a legacy I can proudly leave behind someday. So when I accomplish something kudos is worth as much as money to me.

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