It's a process, I think. You don't arrive in life knowing that you are the author of your own misfortunes, and it's definitely not easy to see it when you are so close. Can't see the forest for the trees sort of thing, you know?
It's a bit naive to expect to control your emotions throughout your life. You can't. All you can do is put coping mechanisms into place, like understanding that you need to keep very busy if things are particularly bad, instead of dwelling on how you feel.
And when you begin to catch glimpses of that forest I mentioned, above, (seeing the big picture), it's not always easy to admit your own part in self created misfortunes, such as being drawn to the wrong sort of person, or refusing to distance yourself from toxic family.
When you have grown enough, and you see it and can admit it to yourself, it's difficult to make the sacrifices you sometimes require...those painful changes in toxic relationships and so on.
