I disagree with my grandparents about me needing to stay with someone. How can I convince then that I can handle it? PLEASE ANSWER!

So my grandparents were discussing about me and they’re worried about leaving me alone for two weeks and suggests that I stay with a relatives but it’s my choice. Like my aunt. I’m 19 years old! I don’t need to stay with anyone. Don’t get me around I love my family but I don’t need to a babysitter. Somebody has to take care of the house.
I tried to convince them that I’m okay but they said they’re worried that something will happen because I can be naive that let strangers in and being home alone and my behavior so they said it’s better if I stay with someone. No I don’t.I may be autistic but I am not a child. I just got finished with my summer class and I have no job.
They told me that they’re going to New York and Florida. They’re retired. I thought I was going with them but they said it’s only those two. They don’t think I can keep up with the house because I’m don’t help out or clean unless I’m told too that they shouldn’t have to. They don’t know what they’re taking about. None of my friends are speaking to me at the moment so I have no friends.

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OliverM · 22-25, M

Well, really, I doubt this is something you can convince them of before they leave THIS time. The only way they would agree to this is if they trust you. Trust takes time to build. But you can start now and perhaps be left alone NEXT time.

So what do you do that would lead to them trusting you with an adult responsibility? What do you do that makes them see you as a responsible adult rather than a kid? Because age has nothing to do with maturity. For them to agree to this, you need to show them that you are mature enough to be trusted in their house alone.

Do you have a job like an adult? Pay rent like an adult? Clean up around the house like an adult? Cook meals for the family like an adult? Keep your area tidy like an adult? Handle conflict or unexpected changes/problems like an adult? Treat people respectfully and not throw fits like an adult?

Out of all the things listed above, how many do you do well? Because to be trusted with someone's house, you need to be able to do the majority of those things. And if you DO most of those things, then point this out to them. Explain that you bring in money for the house, that you have shown them that you can keep it clean and tidy, that you have been responsible and independant and taken care of yourself. Because it has NOTHING at all to do with age. When you leave someone alone with your house, they need to be EMOTIONALLY MATURE enough to handle it, and they need to have shown that to you.

Fact of it is, its their house. Sure, you do not need their permission to stay somewhere else. But you DO need their permission to stay alone at their house. And if you disobey their wishes, they also DO have the authority to kick you out. SO while you may not agree with them, keep in mind that so long as you live in their house, they do have the right to make whatever rules they want.

So keeping in mind that for the time being, you DO need to obey their rules, consider how to change their opinion of you. Because you need to ACT like a responsible adult if you want them to TREAT you like one. Simply being a certain age does not make you trustworthy. Trust is something you have to demonstrate you have earned. So either do so, or if you have already been living as a mature and functional adult, then point out all of the ways that yu have been. I listed several aspects of being an adult above. (Such as paying rent, cleaning up the house, cooking food responsibly, handling conflict maturely, etc)

Personally, I don't care how old someone is. You can be 16, 21, 35, 50. Age has nothing to do with if you act like an adult and should be trusted with adult responsibilities. So, since I do not know you or your situation, that means either you do not act like a mature adult and so you are not being treated like one, OR it means that they have not NOTICED that you behave like one and you need to point out all the ways that you behave like one and how you have demonstrated that you can be trusted with this adult responsibility.

luv2fly352 · 70-79, M

When you live in someone else's home you play by their rules, like it or not. I imagine they have their reasons, so like it or not, it's their call. All the best to you. God bless!

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justbob · 61-69, M

@LaylaTheTallGirl It's special "needs", not special "wants"

luv2fly352 · 70-79, M

@LaylaTheTallGirl I don't know their rationale, but it's their house, their rules, fair or not. I don't know what other options you have for living elsewhere, otherwise you'll just have to abide by their decision, like it or not.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 22-25, F

@justbob I KNOW THAT!! I don’t need anybody to watch me!

Lackwittyname · 51-55, M

If it is their house there is not much you can say about it. If they are not comfortable, then they are not comfortable. Maybe you could talk to them about a way that you could prove to them that you would be okay, like a test run of some sort.

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LaylaTheTallGirl · 22-25, F

@Lackwittyname What am I supposed to do then? My college class doesn’t start until mid August and I don’t have a job.

Lackwittyname · 51-55, M

@LaylaTheTallGirl Call someone to stay with them, or see if you can stay at another family members house who is out of town. Other than talking to your grandparents to ask them to give you a test period, not much else you can do, especially if they will not listen.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 22-25, F

@Lackwittyname I would talk to my friends but they’re not speaking to me at the moments. We had a fall out and I don’t have any friends right now. My grandparents suggested that I call up my auntie and see if I can stay with her for a couple days then another relative. Auntie LOVES my company and she says I am very special to her. I don’t know if it’s because I’m special needs or autistic. I love her with all my heart but she does old lady things. Boring

LeopoldBloom · M

You’re a legal adult, so they can’t force you to stay with anyone. You don’t say where you live, so if you live in their house, you will have to put up with what they want.

LaylaTheTallGirl · 22-25, F

@LeopoldBloom We’ll I’ll am living there but I’m an adult. I don’t have to stay with anybody if I don’t want too. They won’t listen to me. They know I’m autistic and have special needs but it doesn’t mean I can’t handle it.

LeopoldBloom · M

@LaylaTheTallGirl If you're living in their house, they may feel responsible for you, so they want someone to check in on you. I'm not saying this is necessary or even fair, but it's apparently what they want. I hate to say it, but if you're living there, you do have to put up with their demands, as unreasonable as they may be. If you don't like it, your only option is to move out.

KarateAaron · 46-50, M

I think that they ought to be more respectful, and treat you like an adult since you are an adult!

LaylaTheTallGirl · 22-25, F

@KarateAaron thank you!!! Finally someone will common sense understands!

Lackwittyname · 51-55, M

@LaylaTheTallGirl And how is her comment on what your grandparents should be doing help your situation? Nobody here has disagreed that you can take care of yourself. You asked for advice on what you should do and people have told you that. Had you just wanted us all to say that yes you can take care of yourself you should not have asked for advice but for us to all agree with you.

The common sense is that you are in a situation that you cannot control, and unless you can convince your grandparents you are capable you will have to find a place to stay. Or you can just use common sense that you are capable of taking care of yourself, but not sure where you are going to stay.

Montanaman · M

You just stand your ground Form! I'm an adult!

Lilnonames · F

Yes it's about time u managed on your own just to prove u can do it. But tell them to have one of there friends stop over just to check up

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