What do you think I should do? I need serious advice

My ex texted my little brother yesterday telling him that her mom passed away. We haven't spoken to each other since a nasty altercation on April 26th. She told my brother to tell my mom the news. When I heard, I called her from my brother's phone to extend my condolences and asked to be notified about the funeral arrangements.

The thing is, I just don't know if I want to really see her in that state, being all vulnerable and all. I am not over her yet and have been doing a lot to heal and seeing her like that WILL bring me back to square one and I CAN'T go back there. Dear god I just CAN'T.

I'm just wondering why she even reached out to my family and not me directly. I felt like she was trying to get my attention indirectly. I'm just conflicted and don't know what to do.

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Marstar22 · 36-40, F Best Comment

Despite you not being together and trying to move on, you still mean something to each other and I think she just wanted you to know. Texting your bro is indirect communication like you say but, I don’t think it was for attention.

I’m my opinion, she is trying to honor her mom and hoping that you can set things aside and be there to honor her mom too.

Alifeinterrupted · 26-30, F

@Marstar22 I really needed to hear this

SW-User

in times of grief, people behave in unpredictable ways. to cut to the quick, you contacted her directly, and you asked about arrangements. it's not a setting you're likely to be discussing your past relationship. i think you should go and be supportive, like you suggested you would. it will be good for everyone, overall. it's up to you, though, in the end.

DragonFruit · 61-69, M

You have made contact and let her know that you know, asking about funeral arrangements.
You CAN follow through and go there as a friend, and you should. It’s the right thing to do.

firefall · 61-69, M

Dont do it, do not go to the funeral, it'll be an emotional catastrophy for both of you.

It seems to me that she went the indirect route to be considerate to you but still informing others that she thinks would want to know (i.e. your mom) - but I'm assuming there that they actually knew each other. If not, then yeah it was some subtle indirect attention-getting.

Either way, Dont Go.
Unless you want to reconcile

Shytoshow · 56-60, M

That's a tough call to make do what heart tells u sry not much help 4u i realize

Jill1990 · 31-35, F

You will never forgive yourself if you don’t ready out. You only have one chance.

Justafantasy · M

Do what's best for you. I'd skip anything beyond "sorry for your loss"

GJOFJ3 · 61-69, M

Trust your instincts and do what is best for you

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