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LaylaTheTallGirl I'm going to respond to this message AND the one you left for me under Lucyy's comment for the sake of not writing two different replies.And its longer so I'm going to space it out how Lucyy did on her replies because I kind of dig it lol.
You weren't acting like a good friend. I'm sorry if that hurts, or makes you feel bad. But it genuinely sounds to me like you offered your friends NO support. Not even advice or an opinion or help making plans when they asked for it. And of course you didn't MEAN to. I don't think you;re a bad person who is intentionally hurting people. But the fact of it is, you did. And if it WAS an accident and you want to continue having a relationship with them, you need to say sorry, admit what you did wrong, and make sure they know you will work on it. And you need to ACTUALLY work on it, or this will all just happen again, and next time they may not be willing to forgive.
In response to you going through a hard time and them not seeming to care- That's because they feel you have not treated them as if YOU care. That is what they have been expressing to you this whole time. If you will not slow your steps so they can keep up, that will make them feel that you don't care. If you will not help contribute when they make plans, that makes them feel that you don't care. If you will not offer them advice or opinions when they need it, that makes them feel that you don't care. If you lash out and get defensive whenever they try to tell you this, they feel that you don't care. You SHOULD care about your friends being able to keep up, and about their lives that they need honest advice on, and about the plans they are trying to make to spend time with you, and doing these things is how you SHOW them you care. And if you just get mad and try to put the blame on everyone else when they bring this up to you, you are once again showing them that you do not care about their opinions, feelings, or the friendship. That you do not care enough to stop doing the thing that hurts them.
They feel that you have not been there for them. So they are not there for you. You get what you give in any healthy relationship, and you are not putting much in. Listen to what they are saying- because you have now had countless people breaking off relationships/friendships with you because of this, so obviously there is some truth to what they say. Work on improving yourself, because this is clearly a toxic trait you have that MANY people notice and are hurt by. Don't take it offensively, because EVERYONE has traits that they need to work on, and people offering constructive criticism are NOT the enemy.
And once you have worked on yourself and are able to offer the support that a friend NEEDS to be able to offer, then reach back out to them if you want. If you support them, they will support you. But they feel like you don't do that, and have already said they do not want to speak until you learn t do so. It would be, again, inconsiderate of their wishes to keep reaching out when you they have set that boundary and you have not worked on improving yourself.
But honestly, from what I can see in this conversation, they are right. You are looking more at what you want and need, at what your own wishes and wants, at your own issues with their own behavior, and are not focusing on what you are doing wrong and how that hurts those that you are around. And to not be able to acknowledge your own toxic traits is never healthy, and I can very easily see why it would be hard to have any kind of a relationship with someone like that. Like I said, I have cut off relationships for that exact reason.
