Is being agreeable and having no backbone a good reason to break up with someone?

@Lucyy So you’re saying you WANT your feelings hurt? It isn’t like I lie. My best friends told me, Why bother having a best friend that won’t give a straightforward answer or blunt advice when they screwed up? They said people that are blunt and straight up are the people that are about you the most and you haven’t been showing that and all you do lately is sugarcoat it and nobody wants to be around someone like that.”

@LaylaTheTallGirl I'm saying I want someone who is honest. I would rather see the entire truth than have a friend who would rather let me continue on the wrong path because they don't want to hurt my feelings.

Even with something as small as clothing. If I ask how I look in something and it looks awful on me, but you say it looks good, you didn't just 'spare my feelings', you just screwed me over because now you're letting me go out in public like that.

I would MUCH rather have a friend who cares about me enough to risk hurting my feelings rather than allowing me to do the wrong thing. There is a differnece between being blunt and being mean. You can say "I don't think that top looks good with that outfit" instead of "You look fat and ugly in that". But to just tell me it looks okay, or that you think it would be fine? No, I don't want to be friends with someone who sugarcoats the truth and is willing to let me mess up because they dont want to be upfront with me.

If I asked my friend something and they refuse to be upfront to 'spare my feelings', we are not friends. I have no need for friends who dont care about me enough to help me grow and be a better person, nor someone who is unwilling to grow themselves or will become defensive and start being all butthurt if I do the same respectfully. I treat my friends how I expect to be treated, and expect the same from them. You can be fully honest without being intentionally hurtful. And if you cant, the friendship is useless, because that makes them either dishonest or mean, and I don't want a friend who is either of those things,

Your bestfriends have been honest with you and explained why they don't feel they are happy in a friendship with you. They have explained that what you do negatively impacts them. if your response is to be offended rather than to self-evaluate, and to acknowledge that you have MANY people telling you the same thing, I think you should focus on bettering yourself rather than wanting to change those around you. Because people should be allowed to be respectfully transparent with you without you holding it against them. That's called emotional maturity. I expect that from my friends, and try to give them the same. If you are not mature enough emotionally for a close friendship, then that would be something to work on if you want a lasting frienship.

If you continue on like this, I can almost guarentee you will have no meaningful relationships. Not with family, not with friends, and not with a significant other. People want an emotional connection in personal relationships, and if you are not willing to give a full and honest opinion, or willing to tell them they are doing something wrong, then you are not giving them that. Nobody WANTS hurt feelings, but they WANT you to care about them enough to be fully real and honest.

@Lucyy Well said I agree. I would not want a friend who won't be upfront and honest with me. You're no different than a stranger that I have to make small talk with in that case. There is no close relationship or connection.

@Lucyy Damn…….that was harsh but mind blowing 😳😳🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯🤯

I don’t wanna lose my best friends but they want nothing to do with me right now and they told me that have been really rude to them and I’m always twisting my words every time they try to help me and speak the truth when I was the one that asked for it. My guy best friend said, “Until you decided or start being more honest and upfront don’t even bother contacting us.”
And he hung up the phone and I tried calling them and texting but they refused to answer me. One of my girl pals scolded at me for the same thing. She’s always picking on me and called me an ass when she thought I was leaving her behind. I told her not to call me that but she quickly responded, “Well you ARE! I don’t care if you’re autistic. You’re not going to be an ass to me. You’re walking too fast and short people like me can’t walk as fast.”

@SavannahMay My first ex cheated on me and you guys support that? My best friends sided with him because I lack being honest, I’m too passive aggressive and it’s very annoying. They said I’m not a straightforward person and I butter up shit to protect people’s feelings and I have no opinion of my own sometimes and it’s like talking to a robot.

@LaylaTheTallGirl Not harsh. Honest. That's my entire point. You can be honest without calling names or being mean or insensitive. The fact of it is, if you are friends with people who you are not willing to be honest with or express your opinions to, you are giving them nothing in the relationship.

You also seem to do the same to them. When they're honest with you, you get defensive, and when they finally snap, you feel that they are being mean. Maybe they are toxic friends to you and you need a new friend group. But I can fully understand why they wouldn't want to be friends with someone who won't be honest with them, or why they would be mad at you repeatedly walking faster when you know you have longer legs because thats insensitive and shows you aren't thinking of them and their needs.

I'm not down with the whole 'change for nobody' mindset. Everybody has room for growth, and if you don't have relationships in your life where you are helping others grow or letting them help you grow, the relationship is meaningless. You can't do that if you are deceitful to your friends, or get mad and insulted everytime they call you out on something. Evaluate yourself before you try to talk about what everyone else is doing wrong.

@Lucyy So you’re saying I’m a bad friend?! I’ve always been a good friend. The girl that called me an ass is rude! My girl bestie said she wasn’t being rude and she had every right to call me out for being inconsiderate about her needs and I knew she has shorter legs and I didn’t listen to her and kept walking fast. She said she didn’t blame her and I do the same thing to them.
It isn’t my fault that I’m tall. My close friend also insulted me because I was rude to her and scolded that I wasn’t doing my share in planning the outing and pointed out that I made it worse and my girl best friend agreed. The next time they made ME chose everything and the time place. That wasn’t fair. My best friend was like, “Nope you’re picking. You’re passive aggressive and always says ‘whatever you guys want’. McDonald’s or Chipotle? YOU pick. Also you’re picking the time, place and day.

@LaylaTheTallGirl I'm tall too. My best friend is 4'11. I show her that I care about her and am considering her needs by slowing down so she can keep up.

This is what I'm talking about. Someone brings up things you do that hurt them, and you constantly get defensive and turn it back around to point out everybody else's flaws.

Your friends have told you that you are doing things that hurt them. You walk too fast and don't consider your shorter friends needs. You are dishonest and give them no advice or guidance or opinion when they need it. You don't contribute when they are trying to make plans. You are showing them signs that you don't care about them, but when they point it out, you try to get defensive and turn it around on them. Which, again, is not considering them, their needs, or their feelings.

If you ALSO feel that you are being treated unfairly at times, you can calmly and respectfully bring that up to them. But to only do so when they have called YOU out on your behavior does nothing but show them that you do not care how they feel and are unwilling to change toxic behavior.

@LaylaTheTallGirl Notice how many flaws of your friends you have pointed out in this conversation. And also notice how you have not once said "Yeah, I understand how that would hurt them, I should stop doing that and consider how they feel and their needs."
That's my point. That is what kills friendships.
If you don't want to be friends with them, that's fine, But with this current mindset, they will only pull more away from you. You call them out, but will not acknowledge your own toxic behaviors and actions. Friendships can only work if both sides can respectfully point out such behaviors and work to fix them without getting angry and trying to point fingers at everyone else. How many times had it happened before your friend called you an ass? Because if it has come up before and you still won't consider your friends needs, then I agree with her tbh. And I would also agree with her choice to cut off contact.

@SavannahMay Now I have no friends? I’m going though a hard time and they don’t seem to care.