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How can I get a lazy, unmotivated friend to look for a job? Blunt answers please.

I’ve had it up my wits with my best friend. She lies about looking for a job when she hasn’t, she’s lazy, sits in the house all day, watches cartoons and preschool shows. She takes advantage of her parents and takes takes takes. Her parents have been pushing her to get a job and the girl is 30 for crying out loud! She graduated from college and got a great degree. There’s a lot of places hiring if she’s not even trying. I even encourage her to look for a job. Her parents ask if I can talk to her and straighten her up because she’ll listen to me and she gives them a hard time and won’t listen to them. They told me she yells and screams at them I would cry. They’ve threaten to kick her out or to get her to find a new place if she doesn’t start looking for a job. She issues her disability (Asperger’s Syndrome) as an excuse and she can do SO MANY THINGS! She’s worked before so she has no excuse! I know I can’t make her do anything but I’m tired of her lying and being lazy.
AllAboutLaffs · 70-79, M
This is not your fight .... she's old enough to know better and she will experience the consequences of her behavior ... her life, not yours
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@AllAboutLaffs yeah I guess you’re right. It’s better if she suffer the consequences for herself. She’s just pissing me off because she keeps lying about getting a job I mean she keeps lying about applying for a job. When she really hasn’t.
Ynotisay · M
You can't do anything about her. People make their own decisions in life. And while being a supportive friend is important, once it becomes personally toxic it's pointless. And the reality is that a 30 year old woman living home is doing so because she's being enabled. And yeah. Asperger's. Blah Blah Blah with that. If he has a degree she has her shit together enough to work. Your call but I might consider looking out for your own ass. Some have no problem in taking advantage of the kindness and help of others. And it's the helpers that get hurt. Screw that. Good luck.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@Ynotisay Yeah you gotta a point.She needs to star looking out after her own ass. I mean we’re adults. We can say it. Her lazy ass needs to stop making excuses! Blah blah. She hates it when I do that to her when she brings up her aspergers. Well she needs to stop then and I wouldn’t have to mock her! I said if she wants to live her life looking like this fine but I’m going to live my life and I can’t stop living mine just to help her lazy ass and her refusal.
Being in the workplace is very challenging socially, for anyone but especially for those who literally cannot deal with people due to sensory overload or whatever reason. That said, many people with disabilities including more severe forms of autism have adapted & held jobs. Your friend needs practice getting out of her comfort zone & sounds like the parents are unwilling to encourage her to try things.

Maybe you could suggest your friend online jobs doing what she likes. Lots of people make money just watching movies/shows & writing subtitles.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@lovelywarpedlemon her parents are encouraging her and they pushed her so many times. Or some of that they’ve given her job applications or given her websites to apply. She needs to get out of her comfort zone. She’s too comfortable.
@ElizabethBabe1994 Best you can do is suggest her something you think she can do. Or if you're that concerned for her, offer to go with her to the job interview as a form of support.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@lovelywarpedlemon thanks 👍🏻
Sometimes you have to just sever the tie. You can’t respect your friend because she refuses to respect herself. Move on. Maybe it will help her to wake up. It probably won’t. She will probably just try twisting it into another excuse for her own failings.
@ElizabethBabe1994 It troubles you and to be honest it should. A person like that is a leach. 30 years old? Wow.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@stratosranger Okay..
Right? 30 years old?! Pathetic!
Her parents are not gonna be around forever and she needs to stop taking them for granted! She has a degree so she needs to start getting her shit together! It’s about to be 31 and she always cries when she is told to look for a job. She had a job before and she held it so there’s no point. I know she got laid off because of Covid but she needs to go back to work!
You’ve done what you can. @ElizabethBabe1994
Keepitsimple · 51-55, F
I cut all ties. She has no life goals and doesn’t want to adult at this time and she’s beyond the age that this is acceptable. She’s always going to keep you sucked in with her unnecessary drama.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@Keepitsimple well I just told her that I’m gonna start living my life into me and I’m not going to help someone that’s ungrateful and lazy. She has a great degree from college, she does not want to work and she takes advantage of her parents and doesn’t even help around the house. I called her out for that crap. She’s 30 and it’s pathetic.
0Matthew0 · M
"lazy, unmotivated"

That mostly answers your question.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@0Matthew0 I KNOW THAT. I’m just tired of her sitting in the house all day not doing anything but watch preschool cartoon and no job.
0Matthew0 · M
@ElizabethBabe1994 Good luck. I mean it.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@0Matthew0 thanks
QueenandCrown · 41-45, F
She may lack motivation because she's depressed. Has anybody asked her how does she feel? Is she struggling with something internal? She may be trying to drown out her sorrows through binge tv watching. There are a lot of adults that have unresolved issues that still haven't been dealt with.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@QueenandCrown maybe I should ask her. Thank you
eMortal · M
She's depressed. Get her to talk to a teledoc. It's cheap.
ElizabethBabe1994 · 26-30, F
@eMortal thanks
You can’t really do anything that you haven’t already done. If she’s living with her parents and [b]they[/b] can’t motivate her (by threatening to kick her out, for example), what incentive could you offer ? Most people in her situation don’t take steps to change until they absolutely have to.

 
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