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How do you kill yourself when you're too afraid of it?

Here me out all, this happened today my depression kicked in again. it was so bad that I screamed hate and fought with my mum so bad just because she lost one of my jigsa puzzles i worked hard to do. I couldve stopped my self frommfighting her just because of one damn piece missing, but depression kicked in I was hella frustrated, I threw the whole puzzle out and cried a lot. She keeps telling me that I will kill her by giving me heart attck or anything for just a puzzle. I know what I did was bad but Im possessed with frustration and depression. I told her that she doesnt have to worry I will kill myself today and she didnt listen and told me to do it.

I ended up searching whats the best and least painless way to die. Even some people suggest that I will just sleep, I still cant help with being scared. I dont want to live anymore and Im scared to die which is pathetic. How do I embrace death and not be scared at it. I wish I wasnt born my mum knows nothing about my depression and she doesn care. Shes always thinking about her own feelings, while im here dying everyday.
Enchanted · 56-60, F
Get HELP...wanting to kill yourself is a reaction to your depression and anger issue.

Talk to a therapist and see a physician...it will all
Make sense once you start the process...but only YOU can do it.
That isn't depression.. that's anger. Depression doesn't make you lash out like that.. anger does.
@fruitspunch: does your mum know you are depressed?
have you seen a doctor?
maybe you can start by asking your mum or sister to come with you to the docs?

fruitspunch · 31-35, F
@InOtterWords: Thanks for this. I never told my family as they would just say i need god or they wouldnt care at all. I havent even told my doctor yet and i know that medication is expensive. As soon as I can manage the money i will undego meds.
@fruitspunch: meds isn't the only thing the doc can offer - there will be support groups and therapy support that you can get - many people don't need meds to get tghhrough depression, but it is perfectly ok if you do
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fruitspunch · 31-35, F
yes. i hated looking at it. i know it is weird but i considered it as the best thing i did in this whole life.
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fruitspunch · 31-35, F
@ZefNinjaa: why would u compare me to other people. yes i never been physically abused, but i lived with this crap with my entire life. it's like im being raped every fckin day and everything I see or do is crap. ever experienced that everything happens to you everyday no matter how hard you want to be happy is useless. i know that i did her wrong and i could have stopped i could have prevented myself for doing it and i feel even more horrible but thsi crap consumes me that i dont have the balls to say im sorry. do not call me a spoiled brat like I ever got everything that I want for this fckin life. Im swimming in poverty and emotional bullshit.
LoveChild · 26-30, F
I'm not giving you advice on how to break the law.
Ok
Breathe

This isn't just about a jigsaw puzzle is it?


Please get help

 
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